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Wing IX
Report #24
2.25.2001 - GN Ricaud
WING IX REPORT #24
From the Desk of General Ricaud ...
FLEET NEWS
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1. CHEATING
It seems that every couple months there's a spate of cheating cases being brought up before the High Court of Inquisitors, and they're all inevitably found guilty and punished ... and severely, at that. The Security/Tactical Offices have a habit of going to extremes to make an example out of cheaters, and so on your first offence you'll be busted down to Sublieutenant and stripped of all priviledges (including all medals and FCHG rankings). Second time you get kicked out. It's not worth it, so don't even think about doing it.
2. UGH
The Logistics Office *shudder* is looking for people to help out in a project to create a "webpage regarding all the Star Wars Films". Apparently, they claim, such a web site doesn't exist, so Rear Admirals Ian and Ramos have taken it upon themselves to make one. Perhaps they hadn't heard of a little-known fan site called www.starwars.com? www.theforce.net? No? I'm sure in days, weeks, and God help us, months to come we can expect similarly idiotic schemes coming from the LO. Jesus Christ what has this Fleet come to?
3. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
See above article. ;-)
4. EMAIL PROBLEMS
Apparently there have been some problems concerning e-mails sent out by the tiecorps.org domain recently (or with certain ISPs ... the source of the trouble has yet to be checked out and verified), in that things such as BSF Approval mails are not getting through to the people they're supposed to get through to, and are simply bouncing back. This could obviously lead to some amount of confusion, so if it's been a while since you submitted that BSF to your commander, but have gotten no confirmation e-mail of approval from TC.org, check your profile to see whether or not it's been added before you start complaining.
5. TOKEN IWATS NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
Some Professor posts open and stuff, and some graphics professor appointed. I dunno.
WING NEWS
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1. SHIELD UPDATE
No more applications for Shield Squadron Commander, if you please. Major Kane has confirmed that he will be stepping down (he's had some RL time freed up recently, but alas, university still looms on the horizon), and I am currently seeking to also confirm the preferred candidate for the position, so his successor has effectively been selected. It should all be approved, tied up, and made official within a few days (sparing red-tape and assorted bureaucracy).
2. CANTINA RUN
Yes, it's begun! Phase I of Operation Cantina Run III is underway, and we're now in the race to find the next TIE Corps Battlegroups Flagship (and Battlegroup Commander's Escort Squadron). Each officer has to write a 500-word fiction and submit it to their commander by March 7th ... final grading by the BGCOM will take place March 10th, so make it punctual! Squadron Commanders should gather up all of their submissions, including their own, and submit to COM/VA Andronicus and me ... if any of their pilots have taken part in a squadron or wing run-on rather than an individual submission, it must be noted in their report. Let's set out to win this one!
3. SQUADRON PATCHES
FM/LT Da'emon Narshay of Shield Squadron has finished work on a set of stunning Squadron Patches for each Wing IX unit, to be used in uniform construction of Relentless pilots and officers. While the zip file containing the fininished products is a little too weighty to include here (nearly half a megabyte, which not everybody may want to download), I would advise anybody who wants a copy (and it's well worth it), to e-mail Lieutenant Narshay at imrunningwithscissors@hotmail.com. They should hopefully be submitted to the Operations Office and approved in fairly short order.
4. MEDCORPS
They're back. I think. After a prolonged absence from the Relentless, the new Battlegroups Senior Medical Supervisor, Colonel Manitsas, is seeking to reinstate a branch of the Fleet Medical Corps in Wing IX. As such the first priority is to find a Ship's Doctor. Previous incumbents of the post have included such alumni as ... Major Dan Malaktos ... and, er, well that's about it really. If you're interested in being the wing's laughing stock, and a general beating donkey for everybody who wants to let out some aggression, fire off an application to mad_dog_mcd@btinternet.com. Just remember to spread those ass cheeks wide.
5. DRINK OF THE WEEK
Straight from the bar of the Stardrifter Lounge, and personally tested and approved by General Ricaud, this week's serving suggestion ...
F**K ME LIKE A BEAST
Ingredients:
1/2 oz Tequila
1/2 oz Midori melon liqueur
1/2 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur
1 part Pineapple juice
1 part Orange juice
1 dash Grenadine
Top with Bacardi 151 proof rum
Mixing instructions:
Combine all ingredients except 151, shake well with ice, pour into highball glass and top it off with Bacardi 151. Does what it says on the tin.
THE WING IX MORALE OFFICE
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"The Wing Morale Office's conselling services have now been extended. That's right! I, General Steve the Cricket Bat, will now be taking advantage of my position as Acting Ship's Doctor (until Vice Admiral Andronicus finds somebody competent) to offer medical services and treatments. So don't just limit yourself to writing in about emotional problems, feel free to fire off questions about medical matters, too. This week's letter concerns the use of vaccines."
Dear Steve,
I've got shore leave coming up in two weeks, and intend to use it to go on holidy to the tropical forests of Yavin IV. However, I heard that you can catch some nasty bugs there, so I had all the usual jabs, but now they're saying I need to have more. What are the facts? What are all these vaccinations for? Where do they get the vaccines from? Are there any harmful side effects? I am very confused about all this.
- Commander Brad Tack
A: Come on, where's your sense of adventure? Why not take a trip into the unknown with medical science? What exactly this vaccination stuff is for, I haven't got a clue, but I get a tenner for every one I do, so I'm all for it. Let's just say it'll prevent ... everything. Every disease known to mankind. So, where does the vaccine come from? Out of an old dead monkey, I should think. As for harmful side effects. Well your teeth could fall out, your eyes could roll back into your head, your temperature could become wildly unstable and your entire immune system could be totally destroyed, but who's to say all of those things might not happen anyway? With a bit of luck nothing will start to show for about twenty years by which time I'll be retired. So get on with it! Get yourself jabbed, the vaccine'll be out of date in a minute.
PS. I'm not even remotely qualified to be doing this job.
POSTINGS & PROMOTIONS
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RSV/LT Owen from Reserves to Spear Squadron 3-2 W.E.F. 19.02.01
FL/CPT Tom from Sword Squadron 2-1 to Reserves W.E.F. 22.02.01
AWARDS
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FL/LCM Devon Thannier - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/MAJ Kane for excellent activity throughout January
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
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"He's always asking me to defecate on his face. I always decline, but he just keeps geting more and more insistent that I shit on his face."
- Vice Admiral Andronicus, and I really don't want to know who it's in reference to, either.
In the Service of the Empire,
General Val Ricaud
WC/GN Ricaud/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
IC/GSx2/SS/BSx5/PCx5/ISMx8/MoT-1gh/LoC-PSx69/DFCx2/MoC/LoA/CoL/OV-3E [CAVL] {IWATS-M/1-SM/1}
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