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Wing IX
Report #23
2.18.2001 - GN Ricaud
WING IX REPORT #23
From the Desk of General Ricaud ...
FLEET NEWS
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1. COMMAND APPOINTMENTS
The Admiralty has witnessed several new appointments this week. With the resignation of LO/FA Ted Tiger, that most loved of EH characters, Rear Admiral Ramos, was promoted to Logistics Officer, to many outcries of "He's having a laugh!" Meanwhile, eminent former Wing IXer, Commander Miack, was promoted to Rear Admiral and the position of Special Operations Director, taking over from the outgoing FA Darkov. Former Recon Officer Admiral Slage also received a new position in the High Court of Inquisitors. Additionally, the position of President of the Corporate Division is now open (applications to absurefire@aol.com).
2. CA:FO
FO/AD Priyum is now looking for a new Command Attache to the Flight Officer. The requirements, however, are stringent, so only the best should apply! You need at least a year of TIE Corps experience, as well as having worked a Wing Commander-level or higher for at least four months with a rank of Major or above. You also need a clean slate with the High Court of Inquisitors, be highly active and able to help with the various minutiae of Flight Office work, and have a good amount of personal qualities suitable to the position (oh, and you have to know a little bit of HTML, too). If you feel you're up to it, send your application in to spellfire@btinternet.com.
3. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
Ramos getting LO has to be a good bet for this. :-)
4. IRON STAR CHANGES
After some demand for reform due to unfairness in the previous version of the new Iron Star system of competition medals, a number of changes to the structure have been implemented. There is now a differentiation between those medals for flying and non-flying competitions (now Wings and Ribbons respectively). There are also now Iron Stars available as runner-up/second-place prizes under certain conditions. You can find full details on www.tiecorps.org/news.asp.
5. TOKEN FAN-FILM NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
Some bloody awful fan-films came out. Well, one was supposed to be quite good, but the 80-odd MB download cut out on me with 80KB left to go, so in my eyes it's awful, whether or not I ever actually get to watch it.
WING NEWS
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1. OPERATION CANTINA RUN III
You should all already be feverishly working away on not only your fiction submissions for the upcoming Battlegroup Flagship Contest (just under a week until it starts!), but you should also be thinking about making a start on your graphical submissions, too. There are currently three options for your story: either your own, individual work, taking part in a squadron run-on, or taking part in the wing run-on ... so long as you write 500 words of fiction! Of course, we won't know details of the final flying round until we get there, but make sure your joysticks are in working order beforehand all the same! Not only am I hopeful of victory, I'm counting on it ... so much so that I'll stake my claim now that I'll step down if we don't win the competition. I'm that confident, and I hope you are too.
2. SHIELD COMMANDER
Major Kane will be stepping down as Shield Squadron Commander within a couple of days now, and any individuals position in succeeding him should be getting applications in sooner rather than later, as I would like as quick a turnover of command as possible (ie. within 24-48 hours maximum), to cause the least amount of disruption to Shield Squadron. Applicants should have a minimum of four months' experience in the TIE Corps, and have passed Squadron Management II with a score above 75%. Send in your CV to val.ricaud@btinternet.com and CC: to mad_dog_mcd@btinternet.com.
3. PAPERWORK
A reminder of the manner in which all paperwork should be done (this is particularly going to Squadron Commanders): the request should be sent to the Flight Officer (spellfire@btinternet.com), and COM/VA Andronicus (mad_dog_mcd@btinternet.com) and myself (val.ricaud@btinternet.com) should both be CC:ed. Within the body of the request should also be put the full current ID line of the member the e-mail concerns, as well as their TC PIN number, and also their intended ID line upon completion of the transfer. This is important for record-keeping purposes, as it makes it a LOT easier for me to keep track of roster changes in the wing.
4. RETURN OF THE BADLAN
After a short period of leave, eternal-Lieutenant Commander Badlan has returned to his beloved Wing IX, to take up the fight again in Operation Cantina Run III. Badlan had intended to concentrate on important exams coming up in RL, but then quite correctly realised that such things as qualifications were unimportant compared to the glory of the Relentless, and appropriately handed in his transfer request to get the hell out of the Reserves and back into Sword Squadron. Rumours had circulated that it was in order to finally earn a promotion to Commander, but Captain Ted quickly issued a statement that he had no intention to ever promote Badlan past Lt. Cdr.
5. DRINK OF THE WEEK
Straight from the bar of the Stardrifter Lounge, and personally tested and approved by General Ricaud, this week's serving suggestion ...
WITCH'S CLIT
Ingredients:
3/4 gal Lemon-lime soda (Gatorade)
1/4 gal Vodka
Mixing instructions:
Pour out 1/4 gallon gatorade, pour in 1/4 gallon vodka. Cap and shake. Gets you there quick, doesn't make you sick.
THE WING IX MORALE OFFICE
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"This week I, General Steve the Cricket Bat, Wing IX Morale Officer and Agony Aunt/Uncle, have had another letter off one of our distressed pilots. I'm not quite sure who these two are off though. One of them was scrawled on the back of a beermat and shoved underneath the door to my closet, and it looks similar to Commander Stallion's handwriting after a night on the booze with Sword Squadron. Considering the topic of the letter, I also think it would be quite applicable to our resident Wing Love God. I think the other one's from a woman, too. But that one was in a proper letter. Either way, in the interests of confidentiality, names are kept secret."
From "An Engineer":
Q: I have been sleeping with my boyfriend, a pilot in Wing IX, for 7 months now. I think I am generally pretty adventurous, and we've been really happy. But now he's asking if he could place a carrot in a place that a carrot was never intended to be placed, and not only carrots, other vegetables as well. I think that this could be quite dangerous and also very painful. I want to hold back but he;s pressurising me and says that I'm a prude. What should I do? I really love him but I'm not sure how far I should go.
A: Yes, it's dangerous. Yes, it hurts. Wise up, he just wants to degrade you. Don't do anything you don't want to do. Your body belongs to you and doesn't exist to serve your boyfriend and his sick vegetable-based fantasies. Take control of your life. If this is so important to him then perhaps you need to re-think your whole relationship. In other words get some respect or get rid!
From "Jingle Bells":
Q: I have been sleeping with my girlfriend, a really hot chick in engineering, for 7 months now. She's generally pretty adventurous, and we've been really happy, but now I'd like to experiment with vegetables a bit. She is reluctant, however, and says that it is potentially quite dangerous and also painful. I don't want to pressurise her but I find that I am obsessed with the idea of putting a carrot somewhere other than on my dinner plate. What should I do? I really love her, and don't want to hurt her.
A: Some women just don't know, or even care, what men like - they don't understand that they should do anything to keep their guy happy. I think you should chuck your frigid girlfriend, she's probably a lesbian anyway, if she doesn't like carrots. Find yourself a nice girl who doesn't know much about anything and teach her what YOU like. It sounds like you deserve it, putting up with that sort of insolence from a woman.
POSTINGS & PROMOTIONS
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FM/LCM Bart from Spear Squadron 1-2 to Reserves W.E.F. 13.02.01
RSV/LCM Badlan from Reserves to Sword Squadron 1-2 W.E.F. 15.02.01
FM/LCM Talon Ray Hunter from Dagger Squadron 2-3 to Reserves W.E.F. 15.02.01
FM/LT Keronium from Shield Squadron 3-2 to Reserves W.E.F. 16.02.01
SL Neo Vengeance to Lieutenant W.E.F. 16.02.01
AWARDS
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CMDR/CM Krax Tarnisar - Letter of Achievement (x3) - from FM/MAJ Fondor for submitting to NL #71
FM/LT Da'emon Narshay - Letter of Achievement (x7) - from FM/MAJ Fondor for submitting to NL #71
WC/GN Ricaud - Letter of Achievement (x4) - from FM/MAJ Fondor for submitting to NL #71
CMDR/MAJ Lohr Zadash - Letter of Achievement - from FM/MAJ Fondor for submitting to NL #71
FL/CPT Shae Kitane - Letter of Achievement - from FM/MAJ Fondor for submitting to NL #71
FL/LCM Tiger - Letter of Achievement - from FM/MAJ Fondor for submitting to NL #71
FM/LCM Trow - Letter of Achievement - from FM/MAJ Fondor for submitting to NL #71
FM/LT Da'emon Narshay - Palpatine Crescent - from WC/GN Ricaud for outstanding activity through January
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
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"Please, can we, just for once, not talk about Andron's pussy?"
- General Ricaud. I was referring to our Commodore's cat, of course.
In the Service of the Empire,
General Val Ricaud
WC/GN Ricaud/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
IC/GSx2/SS/BSx5/PCx5/ISMx8/MoT-1gh/LoC-PSx69/DFCx2/MoC/LoA/CoL/OV-3E [CAVL] {IWATS-M/1-SM/1}
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