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Wing IX
Report #22
2.11.2001 - GN Ricaud
WING IX REPORT #22
From the Desk of General Ricaud ...
FLEET NEWS
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1. NEW NEWSLETTER
XO/HA Kawolski, with the aide of his CA:XO/VA Slade, has completed work on overhauling the Dark Sentinel, the EH's official monthly
newsletter, and has released it for all to see in the form of Dark Sentinel Issue #71 ... and it truly rocks great fecking bells. A
great design and intuitive structure, packed with fiction, graphics, interviews, columns, and various other features. It's a
weighty file to download, but well worth it. Get the ZIP from any of the download mirrors such as
http://thunder.prohosting.com/~surefire/NL71.zip and http://php.ehnet.org/NL71.zip, or view it online at
http://www.isdcolossus.com/71/.
2. FLIGHT OFFICER RETIRES
Admiral Theodore announced his retirement from the position of EH Flight Officer and TIE Corps Commander this week, to be able to
spend more time with his new family. His replacement is, as I'm sure you all guessed, CA:FO/AD Priyum Patel, who's done an
impressive job in his capacity as Command Attache to the Flight Officer in a surprisingly short time, and seems set to be a fine FO.
We all wish both Theodore and Priyum the best of luck in their respective futures!
3. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
There's a new FCHG Baron in town! And his name is Dave! No, er, wait, it's Minkus actually.
4. BATTLES GALORE
The Tactical Office seems to have gone on a battle-releasing spree this week. That's a lie, in reality, it's mostly been free
missions. But there have still been a lot of them. Notable inclusions (of some limited comedy value) are FREE-BoP Kill Britany
Spaers (sic), and FREE-TIE Noname Squadron. Also out is FREE-BoP Battlecry #1, including some voice acting by your favourite Wing
IX WC. Download and enjoy!
5. TOKEN TRAINING OFFICE NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
TO/HA Astatine is looking for researchers for the EH Encyclopedia. Everybody takes one step back.
WING NEWS
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1. ANOTHER EXCUSE FOR A BOOZE-UP
Our Beloved Leader, High Priest of the ISD Relentless Andronicus, was yesterday promoted to the rank of Vice Admiral by the
Battlegroup Commander and Flight Officer for all his hard work and efforts upon the behalf of the ship and wing. The required
week-long booze-up in the Stardrifter Lounge is now well under way, and all combat missions called off. Supplies & Stores have put
in a request for an emergency shipment of Alka-Seltzers, and extra toilets have been opened in advance on decks 15, 89, and 132.
2. SHIELD CMDR
CMDR/CPT Kane has announced that he will be stepping down from command of Shield Squadron on February 17th, to the sadness of his
pilots and colleagues alike. COM/VA Andronicus and myself will be accepting applications in advance, in order to pursue the fastest
possible turn-over of command, so that little disruption and inconvenience is caused to Shield Squadron. However, we hope that a
victory against Thunder Squadron in their current competition will be a fitting swansong for Kane's tenure as CMDR, which has seen
Shield restored from an ailing unit, to a strong challenger for Wing Commander's Own, with promising and active officers ... as a
sign of our appreciation for this, Captain Kane has accordingly been promoted to the rank of Major! Congratulations!
3. BE LESS ACTIVE!
In light of the fact that being TOO successful seems to put a unit or individual out of the running for the monthly Battlegroup
Awards, I am hereby ordeing all Wing IX officers and squadrons to be less active. Hammer Squadron, having won Wing Commander's Own,
Relentless Squadron of the Month, and Battlegroups Ace Squadron, for example, were far too successful to win Battlegroup Squadron of
the Month. This sort of high activity is just not acceptable, and will no longer be tolerated. Any person found to be active will
now be punished severely by the Flag Staff of the Relentless. This is your first and last warning.
4. CANTINA RUN
BGCOM/VA Jarak Maldon has announced that Operation Cantina Run III, aka the Battlegroups Flagship Contest, will begin on February
24th, that's in just two weeks time. It will be divided into three sections, consecutively fiction-writing, graphics-design, and
piloting. The first time around, we very nearly won the thing. The second time, we started off in the lead, and then got caught
out by an awkward points-scoring system. This time, it's looking to be an even playing field, and we have a very good chance of
winning. We need to be starting work on submissions now, in advance, if we really want to be in with a chance though ... get making
TC/BG-related fiction and graphics. It doesn't matter how bad or good it is, but we're looking for one from each person at least;
participation will count heavily in this competition, and participation is something we have in our favour. Let's set out to win
this one.
5. DRINK OF THE WEEK
Straight from the bar of the Stardrifter Lounge, and personally tested and approved by General Ricaud, this week's serving
suggestion ...
BALD PUSSY
Ingredients:
1 1/2 shot Melon liqueur
1 shot Lime vodka
1 shot Absolut Vodka
1 shot Triple sec
1 1/2 shot Blueberry schnapps
1 splash Lime juice
1 splash 7-Up
Mixing instructions:
Start at the top and venture your way to the bottom. Pour over ice and shake it on home! Pour in a highball glass and give 2 or 3
big gulps. No idea where the name comes from, it certainly doesn't look like one.
THE WING IX MORALE OFFICE
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"'Yes, it is me, General Steve the Cricket Bat, Wing IX Morale Officer. In order to better pursue my duties in this capacity, I'm
going to use this section of the wing report for the next couple of weeks to act as a sort of "agony aunt" (except being thoroughly
male, of course, so really more of an "agony uncle"). I'll be helping officers with their personal problems, be it with friends and
relations, or coping with their duties. All names are kept confidential ..."
From "Miss X":
Q: I have a problem. My Squadron Commander made a lewd suggestion to me after our last mission which I laughed off, but ever since
then he's been making passes at me and commenting on my appearance. I'm sure if I make a fuss he'll have me transferred to some
dead-end posting. What should I do?
A: Cut his balls off. I mean, you keep a pair of scissors in your desk, don't you? Honestly, he's the one who should be
transferred to some dead-end posting, not you. Quite whingeing and take action, if he transfers you out, run screaming to the High
Court of Inquisitors and watch the bastard squirm.
From "Mister X":
Q: I have a problem. I made a light-hearted remark to one of my female pilots following a combat sortie last week and she appeared
to take it seriously. She's single, you see, and naturally a bit desperate. Ever since then she seems to take everything I say or
do as some kind of a sexual advance. It's all harmless, good-natured stuff like pinching her bottom, pressing up against her at the
fresher and making the odd comment about her breasts (which aren't that fanstastic, actually), but she's been really catty with me
and she's creating a very bad atmosphere around the squadron barracks. I'm thinking of getting rid of her, what should I do?
A: Well, I really must say you've been very brave putting up with the hysterical old cow for even a minute (she's probably having her menopause). I feel really sorry for you. I'd sack the silly old moo and replace her with someone younger and blonder and more stupid. And with better breasts.
POSTINGS & PROMOTIONS
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TRN/CT Pirat from PLT Daedalus to Spear Squadron 1-2 W.E.F. 05.02.01
FL/LCM Rejili Holthaus from Dagger Squadron 3-1 to Dagger Squadron 3-2 W.E.F. 06.02.01
FM/LCM Leonid DeBastide from Dagger Squadron 1-4 to Dagger Squadron 3-1 W.E.F. 06.02.01
SL Pirat to Lieutenant W.E.F. 07.2.01
FM/COL Ritusko Akagi from Dagger Squadron 2-4 to Reserves W.E.F. 09.2.01
RA Andronicus to Vice Admiral W.E.F. 10.2.01
CPT Kane to Major W.E.F. 11.2.01
AWARDS
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FM/COL Doyon - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/CPT Ted for excellent activity through January
FL/CPT Shae Kitane - Palpatine Crescent - from WC/GN Ricaud for outstanding activity through January
FM/LCM Leonid DeBastide - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/MAJ Dan Malaktos for conspicuous gallantry
FM/LCM Leonid DeBastide - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/MAJ Dan Malaktos for excellent activity through January
FM/CPT Darkstar - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/MAJ Lohr Zadash for excellent activity through January
FM/LT Shino Kisaki - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/MAJ Lohr Zadash for excellent activity through January
FL/CM Stallion - Medal of Tactics (Green Hammer) - from TAC/AD StarLion for creation of FREE-TIE
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
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*** VA_Andron is now known as VA_Gina
Gina?
think about it Khad :P
* Khadgar still doesn't get it. :P
Vagina, you dimwit :P
In the Service of the Empire,
General Val Ricaud
WC/GN Ricaud/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
IC/GSx2/SS/BSx5/PCx5/ISMx8/MoT-1gh/LoC-PSx69/DFCx2/MoC/LoA/CoL/OV-3E [CAVL] {IWATS-M/1-SM/1}
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