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Wing XIII
Wing XIII Report January 13, 2001 VA Cyric turned to COL
Ichthys and stared at him for a moment.
Was it because of Ichthys’ recent promotion to Colonel? “Ichthys!
Some of our people are missing!
Where are our pilots? Where is
CM Azazel of Phoenix? Where is Crusader
Squadron? Where is LCM Azrael from
Valkyrie?” COL Ichthys thinks to
himself, “So it’s not about my promotion.
Now where are these pilots?” Ichthys thinks back to the last reports he
had from these pilots. They had all
gone their separate paths in search for the Holy Grail, which would restore the
Grey Wolf to glory! On
Planet Hauris Commander Azazel D’jo Tarr
“the Chaste” walked alone through the heavily blowing wind; his hand was
shielding his eyes and his back was bent into the wind. He used his Dark Jedi forces senses to delve
for the grail – and found it nearby.
Now he needed to walk through the sparse woods and up this rugged hill
to find what the Wing Commander so desperately needed. As he reached the crest of
the hill, Azazel D’jo Tarr glimpsed a light hovering in the low horizon. What could it be? Azazel stiffened his resolve and the wind seemed to abate. Azazel hurried toward the beacon. As he came closer, he saw that the beacon
was in the shape of a cup. The beacon
hovered magically over a castle. He knocked. He pounded.
He shouted, “Open the door! Open the door! In the name of Commander Ichthys, open the door!” The door opened. A tall, beautiful woman clad in white
welcomed Azazel in. “O welcome, Lord
Azazel! Do come in. My name is Zoot! It has been so long since we had guests – especially male
guests!” Zoot grabbed Azazel by the arm
and began to give him a tour of the castle.
Everywhere Azazel looked, he saw beautiful young females. Zoot continued speaking,
“Welcome to Castle Anthrax. It’s not
much of a castle, really. But it’s all
we have. There are eight score and four
of us who reside in this castle, all between the ages of 16 and 19 ½. It such a lonely life here. We’ve nothing to do really – except
dressing, undressing, bathing and knitting naughty underwear.” Zoot leads Azazel around the castle. Young ladies line the walls, smiling. Azazel smiles back – but he begins to get
uneasy. Zoot resumes, “O good Sir
Jedi! You’re hurt! Let us tend your wounds. Come in here and lie down. I’ll summon our doctors to tend your
wounds.” Azazel is dragged into a
bedroom and the myriad of hands begins to strip him of his Jedi robes. Azazel cries out, “The Grail! I saw the
Grail! It’s here in this castle! Oh! My
goodness, help me. I must find the
Grail!” [The report ends here for
some reason. Will Azazel the Chaste
face the perilous dangers? Or will he find the dangers of Castle Anthrax too
perilous?] On
Planet Ceres Captain Marcin “Mike”
Szydlowski lead his merry band of Crusaders through the dense forests of the
northern continent of Ceres. Other
Crusaders, especially LCM Drako, LCM Marcin Kaczynski, and LT Micheal, closely
followed Mike through the woods. This
merry troupe of Crusaders were singing loudly for all the world to hear,
“Boldly brave Sir Szydlowski, Brave Szydlowski, Brave Szydlowski flew away from
The Grey Wolf. He was not afraid to
die, O Brave Szydlowski. “He was not afraid to die
in horrible ways, with his eyes burned out or his tongue ripped out, O Brave
Brave Brave Marcin Szydlowski! .…” Mike turned to his fellow
Crusaders and bellowed, “Stop singing!
I know you are happy to be on patrol looking for the grail but watch for
enemy. Your song drives any holders of the
grail away.” A strange voice came from
behind Mike Szydlowski. “Halt! Who goes there?” The Crusaders awaken from
their introspection and see a large three-headed giant standing at the edge of
the clearing. He has a monstrous sword
in his right mitt. Drako began singing
again, “He is Brave Szydlowski, Brave Szydlowski from the Crusader of the Grey
Wolf.” Mike looked strangely at
Drako. He looked ready to strangle
Drako. Mike said, “I am Marcin
Szydlowski of the Grey Wolf!” The three-headed giant asked
another question, “Why are you here?” Again the Crusaders burst
into melody and Drako sang, “To F-i-ight and win…!” If looks could kill, Mike
just slew Drako. Mike answered after a
moment, “We… we’re looking for the Holy Grail.” “Looking for the Grail, are
ye?” “I say we eat him,” said another head.
“What are you going to kill him with? You ain’t got no arms,” said the
third head to the second. “O shut up!”
said the first head to the third.
“You’re breath stinks.” “My
breath stinks? His berath stinks,” said
head three to head one, nodding towards head two. “It wouldn’t, if you two bruched my teeth more often!” Meanwhile, Szydlowski was
not waiting for this internal dispute to settle. He and the other Crusaders were moving quickly away through the
brush. Michael and Kaczynski were
playing instruments. Drako again began
to sing, “Boldly Brave Szydlowski, Brave Szydlowski ran away. Boldly ran away did he, Brave, Brave, Brave
Szydlowski.! Before his eyes were
gouged out or his teeth plucked out or his toes yank out…” “Stop! Stop!” shouted Mike
as he runs ahead of the minstrels. “I
am not listening!” On
Planet Druidia LCM Azrael had parked his
TIE Fighter in a clearing. Rumor and
research placed the grail as lodged in an abandoned castle on the other side of
this ravine. Azreal looked across the
ravine again, frowning at the sight of all the cliff and rock. Looking down into the ravine, he saw a
bridge. Maybe his luck was turning! Eventually, he descended to
the bridge. He started to cross when an
ugly, naked, hairy old man leaped up onto the bridge. “Seek to cross, do ye? Answer me these questions three!” Azrael restrained his
tongue and said merely, “OK”. The wizen old man asked,
“What is your name?” “Azrael” “What is your quest?” “To seek the Grail!” “Three Ewoks go to buy a
MIG welder from a Wookie. The Wookie
charges the Ewoks 30 coconuts for the welder.
Each Ewok contributes 10 coconuts to a pooled fund and they buy the
welder. Soon it turns out that by
Wookee/Ewok trade agreements, welders of this type may not be sold to Ewoks for
more than 25 coconuts. Therefore the
Wookie does the right thing. He hunts
up the three Ewoks and refunds to each of them one coconut. Since two coconuts cannot be divided equally
between 3 Ewoks, the Wookie ate the last two.
Now each Ewok originally contributed 10 coconuts to buy the welderbut
received one back. In effect, each Ewok
contributed 9 coconuts. Now,
9x3=27. Add the two coconuts the Wookie
ate, that makes 29 coconuts. Where is
coconut #30? Azrael stood speechless for
a moment. “Uhhhh!” Soon Azrael was
flying through the air. As he was
flying, he saw the ruins he had been searching for. Unfortunately, he was still falling and too far away to grab
something on the cliff. Was this the end of the
quest for the grail? WingXIII! We love to fly! And it shows! WC/COL Chrusos
Ichthys/Wing XIII/ISD Grey Wolf
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