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Wing IX
Report #20
1.28.2001 - GN Ricaud
WING IX REPORT #20
From the Desk of General Ricaud ...
FLEET NEWS
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1. NAVCOM
The long-standing Naval Corps Commander, Vice Admiral Bargon, recently resigned from his post after many months of service (having taken command of the group after the retirement of Vice Admiral Freelancer only shortly after taking up the job). His tenure saw the running of the first Naval Corps wargame, and the consolidation of the scattered membership of the Corps into just two Task Forces, rather than three, as well as a purge of inactive members. He has been replaced by Vice Admiral Goatham, formerly Task Force Crusader Commander. Best of luck in the position!
2. TCCOM's Award
FO/AD Theodore has re-instituted the TIE Corps Commander's Award, which was originally created by former Fleet Admiral Kessler last year when he was Flight Officer himself, and ran briefly in the early part of 2000, but for some reason was dropped, and stopped being awarded. It is given out to the ship or wing which has most impressed the Flight Officer/TIE Corps Commander for their efforts in the previous months, and the first recipients of the re-instituted award were ISD Grey Wolf and Wing XIII ... congratulations!
3. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
Kawolski advises the fleet on how to avoid the Pulp Phantom porn banners. The fleet ignores.
4. ASF BGCOM
With the recent promotion of Admiral Priyum Patel to Command Attache to the Flight Officer, the Aggressor Strike Force has been appointed a new Battlegroup Commander in the form of Vice Admiral Chrusos Ichthys, who has proved himself more than capable in the post as Wing Commander of Wing XIII (recipients of this week's TCCOM's Award, and also now led by WC/MAJ Brucmack, with "VitCarp"'s promotion to BGCOM). Congratulations and good luck to the Vice Admiral!
5. TOKEN LUCASARTS NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
LucasArts starts work on converting Battle of Naboo from N64 to the PC. Fetch me my shotgun, somebody ...
WING NEWS
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1. WING COMMANDER'S OWN III
No further ado, here are the full results ...
SQUADRON STANDINGS
1. HAMMER SQUADRON
Top Gun - FM/LT Shino Kisaki (100,631)
Total - 485,366
Participation - 5/5
Weighted Average - 97,073
2. SHIELD SQUADRON
Top Gun - FM/LT Da'emon Narshay (105,602)
Total - 451,762
Participation - 5/5
Weighted Average - 90,352
3. SPEAR SQUADRON
Top Gun - CMDR/CM Brad Tack (95,014)
Total - 248,030
Participation - 3/3
Weighted Average - 82,676
4. SWORD SQUADRON
Top Gun - CMDR/CPT Ted (97,349)
Total - 463,652
Participation - 5/6
Weighted Average - 77,275
5. DAGGER SQUADRON
Top Gun - CMDR/MAJ Dan Malaktos (95,981)
Total - 371,477
Participation - 4/6
Weighted Average - 61,912
Wing Participation Rate - 88%
Wing Total - 2,020,287
Wing Weighted Average - 80,811
INDIVIDUAL STANDINGS
1. FM/LT Da'emon Narshay/SHIELD - 105,602
2. FL/LCM Devon Thannier/SHIELD - 100,867
3. FM/LT Shino Kisaki/HAMMER - 100,631
4. CMDR/MAJ Lohr Zadash/HAMMER - 98,474
5. CMDR/CPT Kane/SHIELD - 97,961
6. FL/LCM Tiger/HAMMER - 97,595
7. CMDR/CPT Ted/SWORD - 97,349
8. FM/COL Doyon/SWORD - 97,116
9. FL/CM Tom/SWORD - 96,265
10. CMDR/CM Brad Tack/SPEAR - 95,014
11. FM/CPT Darkstar/HAMMER - 95,000
12. FL/CPT Shae Kitane/HAMMER - 93,666
13. CMDR/MAJ Dan Malaktos/DAGGER - 95,981
14. FM/LCM Leonid DeBastide/DAGGER - 94,957
15. FL/LCM Manticore/DAGGER - 92,187
16. FM/LT Trow/SWORD - 91,990
17. FM/LT Aragorn/DAGGER - 88,352
18. FL/LT Bryan/SHIELD - 82,996
19. FM/LCM Badlan/SWORD - 80,932
20. FM/LT Curly/SPEAR - 77,860
21. FM/LT Argyle Ironfist/SPEAR - 75,156
22. FM/LT Keronium/SHIELD - 64,336
2. WC'S OWN - SUMMARY
Hammer defend the title for another month. Well, of course that much is obvious. There have also been a few surprises here and there. Shield Squadron, consistent underdogs for the past two competitions, came out of nowhere to a stunning second place, snapping hotly on Hammer's heels, just as Sword were last time ... who once again, were let down by one non-participating member, and Dagger by two, which has all served to underline just how important participation is, especially under the Weighted Averages system. As a wing, we managed to bag 88% participation, which is very promising, especially with the upcoming Battlegroups Flagship Contest next month, in which bonuses will be given for high participation rates. WC's Own I gave us 60% wing participation, WC's Own II had 80%, now 88%. It seems that with each month our activity is growing, so with any luck, within another month, when BG Flagship begins, we'll be ready to wipe the floor with the rest of the Battlegroup. Hammer Squadron will receive their due Imperial Security Medals as this month's winners, and Lieutenant Da'emon Narshay picks up a Palpatine Crescent as winning individual pilot. I don't want anybody to consider themselves to have failed in any way, I'm very pleased and encouraged by the results of all the squadrons, and the wing as whole ... just look at those individual scores! As a single ship, we should be truly unstoppable. I think every one has something to be pleased about, looking back over the past month. Keep it up, and keep making me and your Squadron Commanders proud, everyone. You're doing a damned good job so far.
3. BGAPL
The Battlegroups Ace Pilot League Squadron Playoffs finished up on Wednesday (at the time of the original deadline for Wing Commander's Own III, which was extended by several days due to this inconvenience). What with WC's Own and BGAPL Playoffs running parallel to each other, it seems that throughout most of the wing, the emphasis was placed on the former, which is fair enough, considering this round of the BGAPL was only to decide which squadron from the ship would go on to represent us against the rest of the Battlegroup. And receiving this honour will be ... yes, Hammer Squadron again (boy they've been busy this week :P), who'll go up against Typhoon and Ranger Squadrons from Wings X and XI respectively. Good luck, Hammer, we're all behind you! (those of us that are conscious/sober after the weekend :P)
4. WING UNIFORM PATCH
Following a suggestion (and a graphical idea) from FM/LT Da'emon Narshay of Shield Squadron, and a problem I found while trying to assemble my own uniform a few days ago, it probably wouldn't go amiss for us to create some sort of Wing IX/ISD Relentless uniform patch to submit to the Operations Office. Of course, all wings have neck pins which can go on uniforms, but those that wish to go a little bit further can also have special medallions or shoulder boards, such as Avenger Wings I and II, or the Aggressor Strike Force. If anybody has an ideas for this themselves, feel free to fire off an e-mail, or come up with a conceptual design ... I'd something with a tangible "logo" style to it, much like proper military patches. And it doesn't HAVE to incorporate the Imperial emblem. ;-) Send ideas to wingix@yahoogroups.com, or val.ricaud@btinternet.com, or both. :-)
5. DRINK OF THE WEEK
Straight from the bar of the Stardrifter Lounge, this week's serving suggestion ...
1-900-FUK-MEUP
Ingredients:
1/2 oz Absolut Kurant
1/4 oz Grand Marnier
1/4 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur
1/4 oz Midori melon liqueur
1/4 oz Malibu rum
1/4 oz Amaretto
1/2 oz Cranberry juice
1/4 oz Pineapple juice
Mixing instructions:
Shake ingredients in a mixing tin filled with ice cubes. Strain into a rocks glass. Wear goggles and stand back, preferably behind a brick wall.
THE WING IX MORALE OFFICE
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1. INTRODUCTION
"I am General Steve the Cricket Bat, Wing IX Morale Officer, and my favourite colour is red. It's the colour of blood. And I like blood. Especially that of young, fresh-faced, innocent virgin Sublieutenants. But because there are laws against that sort of thing, I have to make do with cranberry juice. Anyway, this week the staff of the Morale Office have been working over time on engineering a new joke, so deadly that it will be able to destroy Mon Cal starcruisers at over four light years. After much experimentation and work, we are pleased to be able to present this joke to you, for use in any and all combat situations ..."
THE JOKE
Vice Admiral Jarak Maldon is making an inspection of Battlegroup flight personnel on Aurora Prime, and has all pilots and officers paraded outside of a hangar. He selects three officers, apparently at random: one from the ISD Challenge, one from the ISD Immortal, and one from the ISD Relentless.
"Do you love your ships?" the Vice Admiral asks.
"Yes sir!" the three respond sharply.
"Do you love your battlegroup?"
"Yes SIR!"
"Do you love the Empire?"
"YES SIR!"
Maldon nods and pauses, then paces briskly in front of the three. He then looks up and asks, "Do you love these things more than your mother?"
The three officers are momonetarily surprised at the apparent banality of the question, but soon answer, "Yes sir."
Jarak turns sharply to a sergeant at his side, then back to the men. "I want you to prove that you love your ship, your battlegroup, and the Empire more than your mother," he clicks his fingers as he heads off to the hangar, and the three officers follow him, along with the sergeant. They stop at a small side-door into the hangar itself, and the sergeant produces three blaster pistols before handing them to each of the pilots.
"Inside that hangar is each of your mothers, tied to a chair," Jarak continues. "If you are truly loyal, I want you to go in there and shoot her."
He nods first to the Wing Xer, who instantly refuses, shaking his head in dismay. "This is proposterous, I won't do it," he says, and storms off back into the parade formation. Jarak allows him to leave, then turns to the Wing XIer and stares intently at him. The Immortal pilot looks down at the gun in his hand, and turns it over between his palms, considering his options. For a brief second, he wraps his finger around the trigger and moves towards the door, but then stops himself short and throws the pistol to the ground. "I'm sorry sir, I just can't do it," he says, and walks back to the parade ground.
Finally, the Battlegroup Commander turns to the Wing IXer. "And how about you, sonny? Do you love the Relentless?"
"Yes sah!" the Wing IXer barks, saluting, then tightly gripping the blaster as he opens the door, strides through into the hangar, and closes it behind him again. Jarak smiles and turns on a heel to face the rest of the Battlegroup pilots, and shouts loud enough for them all to hear, "What he doesn't know is that the pistol has actually had its power pack removed ... but that is true loyalty. I want all of you to take note."
Suddenly, there is the sound of screaming from within the hangar, followed closely be several loud thuds which echo out across the eerily quiet parade ground. The Battlegroup looks on in horror as the side-door reopens again, and the Wing IXer steps out, his ceremonial dress uniform covered in blood. He turns to Jarak and salutes, panting heavily ...
... AND NOW FOR THE PUNCHLINE ...
"I'm sorry sir," the Wing IXer says, "the blaster didn't work, so I had to beat her to death with a chair leg."
POSTINGS & PROMOTIONS
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CDR/LCM Curly from Command 3rd Corvette Squadron to Spear Squadron 1-2 W.E.F. 22.01.01
TRN/CT Neo Vengeance from Alpha Company to Shield Squadron 3-3 W.E.F. 25.01.01
AWARDS
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FL/CM Tom - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/CPT Ted for higher Sword scorer vs. Thunder Squadron
FM/LT Da'emon Narshay - Imperial Security Medal - WC/GN Ricaud for designing Wing IX banner
FM/LT Keronium - Medal of Instruction - from FO/AD Theodore for assisting SL Neo Vengeance
CMDR/CM Brad Tack - Imperial Security Medal - from COM/RA Andronicus for Relentless web site Flash animation
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
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"I HAVE A DILDO!!!!!"
- Major Dan Malaktos does it again
General Val Ricaud
WC/GN Ricaud/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
IC/GSx2/SS/BSx5/PCx5/ISMx8/MoT-1gh/LoC-PSx69/DFCx2/MoC/LoA/CoL/OV-3E [CAVL] {IWATS-M/1-SM/1}
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