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Wing IX
Report #18
1.15.2001 - GN Ricaud
WING IX REPORT #18
From the Desk of General Ricaud ...
FLEET NEWS
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1. NEW EXECUTIVE OFFICER
I'm sure every self-respecting Officer in the Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet should know by now that following Sector Admiral Compton's resignation on Tuesday, after two years of service as the Executive Office he was replaced by Sector Admiral (now High Admiral again) Kawolski, Fleet Systems Engineer, and former Tactical and Flight Officer. K's work for the EH has been nothing short of spectacular during his long and distinguished service, and as a former Commodore of the Relentless himself, we all wish him luck in his new position! (nice to see an old Wing IXer make it big :P). The new Executive Office web site is already up at http://www.kawolski.com.
2. NEW CA:FO
Another new appointment! FO/AD Theodore has seen fit to take on some assistance in his busy duties as EH Flight Officer, and after taking applications from all corners of the TIE Corps, BGCOM/AD Priyum Patel of the Aggressor Strike Force was selected as the new Command Attache to the Flight Officer. Priyum will act as a liaison with the front-line Flag Officers of the Corps to help deal with any major problems or issues which may arise, and also handle other administrative and roster minutiae. Show your congratulations by sending along a ladyboy to his office, he really likes them. :P
3. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
Ramos. Command Attache to the Logistics Office. Rear Admiral. Complete devaluation of rank and position.
4. DARK SENTINEL #70
Sector Admiral Compton's "swansong" as outgoing Executive Officer (BTW, he's now a FM/GN in Omega Squadron ... the only person in the entire TIE Corps to hold such a distinction, as a reward for his long service as XO), Dark Sentinel #70, can be found at http://thunder.prohosting.com/~surefire/hammer70.zip or http://www.isdcolossus.com/index.html. The full download is roughly 6MB in length. However, it's a big improvement over the last one, trust me. :-)
5. TOKEN FCHG NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT IT
FCHG listings go down. Somebody notices. Probably.
WING NEWS
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1. MULTIPLAYER HONOUR GUARD
The basic rules for the upcoming competition against SSD Avenger Wing I have been finalised with WC/LC ShadowHawk and COM/VA Firefox. Right now out priority is getting the ladder database worked on which will keep track of all scores during this week-long IRC battle involving XvT and XWA, and spread across the confines of #ISD_Relentless and #Avenger. If you want to get in on the action, join the Wing IX Multiplayer Honour Guard now by e-mailing val.ricaud@btinternet.com and expressing an interest in signing up. In the next couple of weeks before the competition starts, we're going to be implementing a MPHG experience structure, and running some intensive training sessions, so take the opportunity now!
2. STEVE MAKES GENERAL
Congratulations to the Relentless' newest promotee, General Steve the Cricket Bat, who was promoted from the rank of Colonel for his excellent work over the course of the past four months as the Wing IX Morale Officer. Truly, Steve has done a fabulous job of destroying all moral fibre within the wing, generally depressing most pilots, and annoying more than a good few. This sense of emnity and even outright hatred has marked General Steve out as one of the finest officers ever to serve in Wing IX, a real asset to the ship. And I don't want anybody making silly, frivolous criticisms about him supposedly being an "inanimate" object.
3. DAGGER VS. HEY
Do you really need to ask who won? You should be used to these things by now. Of course Dagger Squadron won. And they won be a very impressive margin, too (69,000 points on the average, by all accounts). Lieutenant Commander DeBastide was responsible for nabbing two Imperial Security Medals in the course of the competition, so an additional congratulations to him, on top of Dagger's excellent performance. Keep it up, lads!
4. WING COMMANDER'S OWN III
Time passes quickly, doesn't it? Well if Dagger feel bolstered by their victory over Hey Squadron, they should certainly be looking forward to the third monthly Wing Commander's Own competition, and the opportunity to take back the title which Hammer Squadron took from them in December. Or will Hammer be able to retain it? Or will Sword Squadron, who fell so short of victory last time, be able to rally the necessary strength this time around? Or will Spear or Shield be able to sneak in and take the title from under the noses of the others? Wing Commander's Own III will begin in a couple of days, with all the usual trimmings. Get greasing those joysticks. This time it's personal. :-)
5. DRINK OF THE WEEK
Straight from the bar of the Stardrifter Lounge, this week's serving suggestion:
"Mon Calamari Seabreeze"
1 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Raspberry schnapps
1/2 oz Blueberry schnapps
1/2 part Orange juice
1/2 part Pineapple juice
1 tsp Blackberry brandy
Mixing instructions:
Build all ingredients in a collins glass, shake, serve, and run for cover.
THE WING IX MORALE OFFICE
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1. INTRODUCTION
"Yay! I'm now General Steve the Cricket Bat, your local unfriendly Wing IX Morale Officer. And I really do hate you. You offend me. You are ugly. And I hate you. Now for part three of the History of Wing IX, you'd better bloody enjoy it ..."
THE HISTORY OF WING IX
Compiled by General Steve the Cricket Bat
PART 3: THE MINOS CAMPAIGNS
The battle between in the Emperor's Hammer and New Republic in the backwater, dirt-poor, sparsely-populated Minos Cluster three years ago has been described by eminent fleet historians as "two bald men fighting over a comb". Wing IX has always maintained that a good comb can be also be used to comb lice out of your uniform and serves as a useful prop for impromptu impressions of anybody with a moustache. It is thus well worth fighting for.
Anyway, despite the casualties and loss of life, the war was a pretty good bet. The Relentless had learnt a powerful lesson from the main brunt of the Galactic Civil War. Never, ever get into a war with highly trained enemy forces. The Minos Cluster Campaigns were distinguished by large numbers of agri-world farmer conscriptd who flew away a lot and weren't quite sure about the trigger thingy on their control stick. A legenday figure in Wing IX at the time was Commander Johnny "Two Pairs" O'Calhan, the subject of a ribald song amongst the men that went, "One ball abnormal, two balsl normal, three balls Superman, four balls -- O'Calhan". It was he who led the Invasion of Lyccos IV against over 200 of the enemy. Miraculously there was only one casualty when one of the lead mynocks sank its teeth into then-Lieutenant Dan Malaktos' go-faster stripes. He is proud to say that his fighter still bears the marks to this day.
POSTINGS & PROMOTIONS
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CM Darkstar to Captain W.E.F. 08.01.00
COL Ricaud to General W.E.F. 08.01.00
FL/CPT Darkstar from Hammer Squadron 2-1 to Hammer Squadron 2-2 W.E.F. 10.01.00
FM/LT Matt Rust from Dagger Squadron x-x to Reserves W.E.F. 12.01.00
AWARDS
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FM/LCM Leonid DeBastide - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/CPT Dan Malaktos for conspicuous gallantry
FM/LCM Leonid DeBastide - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/CPT Dan Malaktos for high score, Dagger vs. Hey
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
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"That woman fell down the conveyor belt of ugly and hit every pre-fabricated ugly branch on the way down."
- Commander Khadgar, on British politician Anne Widdecombe
In the Service of the Empire,
General Val Ricaud
Officer Commanding Wing IX
WC/GN Ricaud/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
IC/GSx2/SS/BSx5/PCx5/ISMx8/MoT-1gh/LoC-PSx69/DFCx2/MoC/LoA/CoL/OV-3E [CAVL] {IWATS-M/1-SM/1}
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