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Wing IX
Report #17
1.6.2001 - COL Ricaud
WING IX REPORT #17
From the Desk of Colonel Ricaud ...
FLEET NEWS
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1. AN ASF COMP?
Yes, we're really desperate for news this week. But our attention was politely drawn to the Aggressor Strike Force's "Supremacy II" competition, which is essentially a shallow and vacuous clone of the Battlegroups Flagship Contest, with some consideration being given to individual standings as well. Damned unoriginal ASF. They even give the titles of "Flagship" and "Escort Squadron" away. Hello? I don't remember them doing any of this before Colonel Kessler started off the first BG Flagship Comp! Gah, anyway, the ISD Grey Wolf won. And some Tartarus Squadron topped the other units. And that incessantly annoying Raven fellow was the best pilot, which says a lot for the ASF.
2. EH MEETING
Another one. At this rate a lot of people are going to be all Meeting-ed out. This one's scheduled for the Easter weekend, and in fact has been for some time now. It's probably been the most highly publicised EH meeting so far, and indeed sounds very promising. Already around 20 EHers have been confirmed as attending, and will be at the Jedi Convention in Cologne to recruit for the Fleet. The only catch is that it's in Germany. Ah well, you can't have everything, I suppose.
3. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
The EH Meeting in Poland also desperately attempted to claw back some publicity from the Jedi Con in Germany. But they don't have Kessler going, so they don't deserve any publicity. :P
4. THE CONSUMER STRIKES BACK
At last, the games-buying public has struck a blow against the plans for domination of the evil LucasArts Entertainment Company empire, as Force Commander wins the award for 2000's Most Disappointing Game of the Year. LucasArts are said to be extremely pleased with the award, probably the only one they'll ever pick up for the game, or if they keep up their current trends, probably the last award they'll pick up as a games-producing company full stop. That is, excluding more "Most Disappointing" or "Worst Game" awards. Which they probably do deserve. Sorely. God I hate LucasArts.
5. TOKEN MULTIPLAYER PILOT NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
Combat ratings are now listed on wing rosters, so you can admire just how good I am. :P
WING NEWS
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1. MONTHLY SQUADRON EVALUATIONS
For once, not a reminder to get them in, but instead a thankyou to the Squadron Commanders for all getting their Evaluations in to me over the course of the past week without my having to nudge them (well, apart from ONE word, but that seemed to be enough :P). My congratulations to everyone who picked up a promotion or a medal in this month's evaluations (and there were a fair few) ... you all deserved it! It was nice to be able to read through the largely-glowing comments your commanders had to make about you all, and the number of "problem pilots" is down to a bare minimum (only one or two, at the most). And trust me, these are problems which will be sorted out (if they haven't already). Here's to hoping January will be just as successful a month!
2. AND THEN NOMINATIONS ARE ...
Well, I've no idea when the monthly Battlegroup Awards be given out by BGCOM/VA Jarak Maldon to the finest and fittest (snigger) from the BG for December/January, but I see no harm in letting everybody know what nominations Wing IX put up for the three categories (and so that even if they don't win the big award, they'll still feel all warm and gooey inside for getting the recommendation in the first place). The ISD Relentless nomination for BG Squadron of the Month was Sword Squadron (for showing that you don't have to win a competition to walk away with something valuable from it), for BG Pilot of the Month, Colonel Ritsuko Akagi of Dagger Squadron (for almost killing Dan with BSFs, but not quite succeeding, better luck next time), and for BG CMDR of the Month, Major Lohr Zadash of Hammer Squadron (nuff said). And finally, the nomination for BG Morale Officer of the Month was Colonel Steve the Cricket Bat (for the fourth month in the row!). Congratulations to all. :-)
3. A CALL TO ARMS
A competition, yay! With another wing, yay! But ... it's only for your multiplayer people! Well, I told you that you should have signed up for the Wing IX Multiplayer Honour Guard. Members of whom will, in the very near future, be engaging in on-line battle with SSD Avenger Wing I. Lieutenant Colonel ShadowHawk and I have discussed and agreed the basics, and a full scoring and rules system will be drawn up shortly for approval by the Training Officer and Combat Operations Officer. Expect Legions of Combat galore, plus higher medals for the leading pilots! Start practicing those XWA/XvT skills, we're going to prove we can beat those multiplayer types at their own game, despite being a TIE wing ourselves.
4. BGAPL UPDATE
Before the Christmas Battlegroup Leave, Spear's FL/LCM Bart had challenged FO/AD Theodore for the Relentless Ace Pilot title, but was unable to fly due to technical problems. Thus, WC/COL Ricaud bravely and boldly did step into the breach (cough), and erm, Theodore couldn't really be bothered so he let the title go back to the Relentless. Now, CMDR/MAJ Lohr Zadash of Hammer has challenged for possession on FREE-TIE #25 (though there seems to be a minor gameplay bug which stops you from actually completing the mission, which is a niggle :P). And somehow, I've managed to get myself into a duel for the Battlegroups Champion title at the same time. Despite never challenging for it. Damned Battlegroup Commanders, never trust them. :P
5. DRINK OF THE WEEK
Straight from the bar of the Stardrifter Lounge, this week's serving suggestion:
"A Piece of Ass"
Ingredients:
1 shot Amaretto
1 shot Southern Comfort
Ice cubes
Top off with Sour mix
Mixing instructions:
Put ice in glass. Pour in shots. Fill with Sour Mix.
WING IX MORALE OFFICE NEWS
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1. INTRODUCTION
"You know me. I know you. Let's not mince words. I don't like you. You're ugly, you're stupid, and you look at me funny. What do you know? What are you trying to see, in my soul, through my eyes? I know what you're planning to do. And trust me, I'm not going to let you get away with it. Not if I kill you first. This week, we have the second part of our history of Wing IX. This time, we're skipping forward to recent memory, and infamous alcohol blockade of 2000. Roll on."
THE HISTORY OF WING IX
Compiled by Colonel Steve the Cricket Bat
PART 2: CRISIS IN THE STARDRIFTER LOUNGE
We all remember what we were doing when the alert sounded. Stallion was plucking his eyebrows. Ted was polishing his wart. Sauron was mumbling to himself in the corner and Dan had just finished a double heart-bypass on Jarak's pet hampster. Ricaud and Outlaw were arm wrestling. Despite the latter's weight advantage the Wing Commander was doing well. His key tool to success was the surprise element. Outlaw wasn't expecting a BlasTech DL-44 blaster carbine with grenade launcher. When the call came from the bartender of the Stardrifter Lounge across the room that the ship was "out of alcohol", they snapped instantly into action like a well-oiled war correspondent. Vice Admiral Maldon got everyone to the briefing room for the BWTTYWH (Bit Where They Tell You What's Happening) and learnt the full extent of the op. Six men had taken over the Stores & Supplies and were holding our precious alcohol supplies hostage. Red Team (Dagger, Spear, and Shield Squadrons) were going to storm the front en masse. Blue Team (Sword Squadron) were going in the back.
In no time the strike teams had seperately located the Supplies & Stores offices on deck 14 and established a POV from just down the corridor. Captain (then Lieutenant) Ted takes up the tale: "The only embuggerance was the shameful behaviour of Lt. Cdr. Stallion. I don't like to peach on a colleague, but the fact is, he panicked and lost heart. One minute he was loading his weapon and scanning the target, the next he was looking over my shoulder at the deck plan and honking that we were in the wrong place.
"He's a good fighter, but in a tight spot prone to flannel and downright cheek. That kind of thing undermines the squadron and puts a strain on us all. I decided there was only one option. I pointed down into the corridor and said, "Look, there's that hot chick from engineering!". Stallion frowned as he looked down and away from me. "I thought she transferred to the Challenge," he muttered as I swung the butt of my blaster carbine against the back of his head. There's no room for doubts on a recapture operation. That way lies madness."
Ted continued despite persistent calls over the radio of, "Right. Stand by, stand by. Blue Team, where the hell are you?". Running out of time, Colonel Ricaud gave the order to attack. The two seperate strike teams rushed into the corridors, throwing grenades ahead of them. "We couldn't see Red Team anywhere because of the chaos," Ted continues, "but regardless, we stepped through the rubble and smoke into Supplies & Stores and into the rehearsed routine. Badlan and Outlaw peeled off right and I went left with Sauron and Fortis. We could hear shooting behind us. It was Outlaw and Badlan smoking the first of the blockaders.
"Looking back, we probably should have been suspicious when several of the terrorists appeared to be carrying a sack of potatoes. Not your obvious piece of kit for a deranged protestor. Also, one of the ones I shot seemed to be standing over an oven and preparing a steak. Again, not your obvious activity for a dissenter, but I thought maybe they'd been plundering the food from Supplies.
"It was all over in ten minutes. We'd met minimal resistance and dragged out the crates of beer. All of the baddies were lying face down on the hangar bay floor. One of them tried to slip away and we started to pull him to the nearest airlock. As he was being dragged away, one of the women protestors put her arms tight around his legs and begged us, "No, no, no, please don't. He's the Ship's Head Chef." He seemed important. We let him off with a leg wound and chained his neck to a TIE fighter exhaust.
"We were still on a high as we searched the debris for mementoes. Badlan decided to half-inch one of the arm patches which had fallen off a protestor, which was when we found out. His lips moved as he read the tag around the outside with slow deliberation: "Fleet Cookery Corps, ISD Relentless Detachment."
The truth is, those brave men of Blue Team were let down by the chain of command. It was everyone's job to double-check each other's decisions and calculations. Stallion's failure to make his views known about the navigational discrepancy led to a tragedy for Sword Squadron and a bit of an embuggerance for the families of the chefs murdered that day. There can be no excuse for that.
POSTINGS & PROMOTIONS
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LT Leonid DeBastide to Lieutenant Commander W.E.F. 04.01.01
LT Rejili Holthaus to Lieutenant Commander W.E.F. 04.01.01
CPT Lohr Zadash to Major W.E.F. 05.01.01
FM/LT Martelus from Sword Squadron 2-2 to Reserves W.E.F. 05.01.01
FM/LCM Talon Ray Hunter from Reserves to Dagger Squadron 2-3 W.E.F. 05.01.01
FM/LT Bryan from Shield Squadron 3-3 to Shield Squadron 2-1 W.E.F. 06.01.01
AWARDS
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FM/LT Shino Kisaki - Commendation of Bravery - from WC/COL Ricaud for excellent flying
FM/LT Bryan - Bronze Star of the Empire - from LA/RA Quake for unspecified reasons
FM/LT Aragorn - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/CPT Dan Malaktos for excellent activity through December
FM/LT Shino Kisaki - Palpatine Crescent - from WC/COL Ricaud for outstanding activity through December
FL/CPT Shae Kitane - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/MAJ Lohr Zadash for work as Hammer XO
FM/LCM Tiger - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/MAJ Lohr Zadash for excellent activity through December
FM/LCM Badlan - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/CPT Ted for excellent activity through December
FL/CM Tom - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/CPT Ted for work as Sword TAC
FM/LT Trow - Imperial Security Medal - from CMDR/CPT Ted for excellent activity through December
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
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"AHH!!! MY PENIS! IT FELL OFF! HELP ME FIND IT!"
- Captain Dan Malaktos, a true classic :-)
In the Service of the Empire,
Colonel Val Ricaud
Officer Commanding Wing IX
WC/COL Ricaud/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
IC/GSx2/SS/BSx5/PCx5/ISMx8/MoT-1gh/LoC-PSx69/DFCx2/MoC/LoA/CoL/OV-3E [CAVL] {IWATS-M/1-SM/1}
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