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Dagger Squadron
Report
1.21.2001 - MAJ Dan Malaktos
Welcome to another episode of the DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGER REPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!
With your host, Major Dan Seth "Instigator" Malaktos!
::Sappy music::
Dan Malaktos here, the survival specialist! Due to recent complications of the exposure of my week on Endor, I have put together this kit for anyone venturing to a planet populated by Super Zealot Flower Hippies. You'll find everything you need to brave the unknown forests of Endor, the cycadelic lights of the local disco, or... your doghouse. But this is a limited time offer, you must call now for best offer! Want to know how much it is? I'll tell you later.
In this bargain, you'll find:
I. My self-help book entitled: "Why the F*ck Are You Listening to Me?! Are You F*cking Stupid or Something?!"
II. A stick
III. Fool's gold
IV. My Braille version of my self-help book, for you stupid blind people, entitled: "Why the F*ck Are You Blind?! Did Your Parents F*cking Drop You On Your Head or Something?!"
V. A piece of string
VI. A mirror
VII. My audio-tape of my famous self-help book, for you stupid blind people who can't read Braille, entitled: "Why the F*ck Can't You Read Braille?! Are You F*cking Stupid or Something?!"
VIII. Three ounces of crappy liquor
IX. Parodies of music by Dan Malaktos, "I'm an Imp!" "Kill Every Rebel" "Imperial Conquest" "The Mind of a Rebel" and many more!
X. Earplugs for the afore mentioned
XI. Audio-tape player with only one battery
XII. One sock
XIII. Water for sock washing
XIV. Three pieces of dental floss
XV. A recording of Dan Malaktos' voice
XVI. My picture book version of my famous self-help book, for all you stupid children who can't read, entitled: "Don't You Know Why the F*ck You're Here?! There's No F*cking Stork!"
XVII. Eyewash for the afore mentioned
XVIII. A rock
XIX. A magic marker
XX. A CD Jewel case
XXI. My bottle of liquor version of my famous self-help book with the words as the label, for all you stupid Wing IXers, entitled: "F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck?! Drink More Liquor, You F*ck!"
XXII. A hole
XXIII. A button
XXIV. A Mariachi Band
XXV. My porn video version of my famous self-help book, for all you stupid Wing Xers, entitled: "What the F*ck Are you staring at?! It's Supposed to Be There, You F*ck!"
XXVI. A Swiss Army Knife without ANY gadgets... to confuse people
And much, much more! Now, how long could you survive with that? 3, 8, 76? Minutes of course. All for the low, low cost to you of the left half of your body. And for your right foot, we'll sever everything FOR you! Wait a minute! There's something in here! It's.... the NEWS!
EH NEWS:
1. VA Jarak Maldon sends virus to BGs :P
2. Battlecry is out
3. Kramer has been confirmed alive. The bounty hunter gave back the money.
4. A replacement ASFCOM has been found.
WHO CARES?
This week has been the wildest in #ISD_Relentless ever.
WING NEWS:
1. Sword beats Thunder
2. WC's (Dis)Owned
3. BGAPL..... do it!
4. MPHG will fight soon
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"Wow, I never thought I'd actually tell someone to be like Dan." --- General Valtane Gavryn Ricaud reflecting on the newly appointed eighth deadly sin... spreading the spirit of Malaktos.
SQUAD NEWS:
1. Fireball, Matt Rust, and Tringad left us :P
2. I hear I got promoted....
SQUADRON STATUS:
1. WC's Own- FT 141
2. BGAPL- FT 92
Both due on Tuesday
3. Dagger~Hammer Runon
XO's Address
From the Office of the XO
We got another comp here, I see (free TIE 141, I believe). Don't worry, I won't let my AOL crash again :P. Anyway, I think that, like our comp with Hey, full participation is the key. My overall opinion is that we shall come out victorious in the end. So just fly alot and submit many a time. See yall next week.
FL/LCM Manticore/Dagger 2-1/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
ISMx3 [HUSS] {IWATS-M/1}
[A/GUN Honorless]
Dagger Squadron Executive Officer
PERSONAL ACHIEVMENTS:
It should be noted the Egroups was failing, so several pilots comms went down.
CMDR/MAJ Dan Malaktos
1/15/01 - Awarded LoC
1/15/01 - Awarded LoC
1/15/01 - Awarded LoC
1/17/01 - Awarded LoA
1/17/01 - Promoted to MAJ
1/20/01 - Won XWA match in ORW
1/20/01 - Won XWA match in ORW
1/20/01 - Won XWA match in ORW
1/20/01 - Won XWA match in ORW
FM/LT Aragorn
Reported in
FM/LCM Leonid DeBastide
Reported in
FL/LCM Manticore
1/18/01 - Reported computer being upgraded
FM/LCM Talon Ray Hunter
-----Contact me ASAP!
FM/COL Ritsuko Akagi
-----Contact me ASAP!(Sick :P Get better soon!)
FL/LCM Rejili Holthaus
-----Contact me ASAP!
Major D. S. "Instigator" Malaktos
@======{---}=======[---]============>->->->
CMDR-SR-CVROY/MAJ Dan Malaktos/Dagger/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
CVROY-WC/MAJ Dan Malaktos/Wing I/DREAD Tranquillity
BS/PCx2/ISMx6/MoI/MoT-4gh/LoCx4/CoS/LoA/OV-3E
[GALL] {IWATS-Core IIC/1/2 mIRC/1/2 RT SM/2 TM GFX}
[T/D Hand of the Apocalypse]
[E/S Orion's Belt]
--==(*)Chief Viceroy(*)==--
{PIN 4197}
"Join the Relentless! It makes your hometown better!"
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