Wing IX Entrance Exam
WC/GN Ricaud/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
(val.ricaud@btinternet.com)

(Warning: contains some references to onanism, homosexuality, and the Backstreet Boys, which are liable to offend)

Answer the following questions. Time allowed is one hour. Marks will be deducted for crossings-out, unnecessary flippancy, and/or swearing in the margin.

PART 1 - PERSONAL DETAILS

1) Name:
2) Nickname:
3) Name everyone calls you behind your back: (leave blank if same as nickname)
4) Date of birth:
5) Place of birth: (if unknown then state exactly where you were found and, if possible, what kind
of plastic bag they found you in)

6) Education:
7) Previous positions:
8) Criminal record:

9) How did you hear about Wing IX? (Mark with an X as appropriate)
a) Through a friend/colleague/cell mate [ ]
b) On the web [ ]
c) In a magazine [ ] (if so, please state which one)
d) From your probation officer [ ]
e) Loud drunk bloke with a moustache shooting his mouth off in a bar [ ] (if so, please state which Sword Squadron pilot)

10) Have you ever killed anybody? [ ] Yes [ ] No
If your answer was "Yes", then which band best represents the number of successful killings: 1-5; 6-10; 11-15; 16-20; 20+; Can't remember, they were all Rebels.

11) Starsign:
12) Favourite band/singer
13) Fave colour
14) How long have you been a "Backstreet Boys Weekly" reader?

PART 2- APTITUDE TESTS

Maths
1) John puts on a 120lb back-pack, leaves point A at 14.00 hrs and tabs 17 miles due east to point B where he rests for 11 mins 20 secs. Before he leaves he sheds 4.95 kilos of dead weight in a cache and notes the headwind is blowing at 57.6 mph due west. he tabs a further 59,000 furlongs south by south-west, using up 3,148 KJ of energy before he arrives at point C. What is his mother's maiden name?

2) Read the following excerpt from a wing finances statement and answer the question below:

Ninth Wing (TIE Corps) - ISD Relentless - Finance Statement for Week Ending 5/11/00
TIE Coffee Cup Holders: 72 @ £3.50 £252
Cricket Bat Varnish £10
Smirnoff Ice 8-pack: 500 @ £13.59 £6795
Pepper Spray: 4 @ £6.99 ££27.96
Stomach Pumps: 72 @ £659 £47448

If the Commodore is forced to add 12.6% to these costs due to Imperial Military Tax, what is the statistical probability of you sleeping with his secretary?

Geography
1) Oman is:
a) An oil-rich Arabic state friendly to Britain [ ]
b) Something hippies say when they're stoned [ ]
c) A fancy word for wanking [ ]

2) Which of the following statements do you agree with most? Wales is:
a) A proud Celtic nation with a viable future in Europe [ ]
b) Closer to England than Scotland [ ]
c) Shite. The bloody Taffs can't even win at rugby [ ]

History and Politics
1) Who won the war but lost the penalty shoot-out?

2) Spot the dictator:
a) Saddam Hussein [ ]
b) Idi Amin [ ]
c) Deng Xiaoping [ ]
d) George W. Bush [ ]

3) List your top three battles in history and say why you enjoyed them. Factors to bear in mind include yardage include, losses per second, and how pointless the whole bloody thing was.

English
1) What's your favourite word?

2) Which of the following is NOT the kind of thing Wing IX expects to see in a piece of member fan-fiction:
a) "Crashed and stranded on Tatooine, things were looking bad, but as I looked up and saw the boy standing on the ridge of the distant moisture farm, for a moment time stood still. He was only a young kid but his soul was as old and wise as the desert itself. He saw my blaster carbine and smiled a friendly open smile. I smiled back. Two people, from two planets, reaching out for each other in the midst of all this nothingness. And then I shot him." [ ]
b) "Bart was in a bad way. He knew it, I knew it, even the Rebels knew it. The ship was taking damage, and the hangar bay was was littered with enough debris to make launching impossible. Pulling the wreckage off him, I decided to go easy. "Get the hell up, you lazy fat Spear Squadron poof."" [ ]
c) "Andronicus had that far-away look in his eyes that meant one thing and one thing only. "Kiss me," Ricaud said. "And this time do it like you mean it."" [ ]

END OF EXAM

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