Turning the Other Side
DJK Michael Halcyon (Krath)/Acclivis Draco of Scholae Palatinae
(darkjedi@otelo-online.de)

curtain up; setting: a bar somewhere in the Outer Rim. The place is rather crowded - many aliens. Enter Dallin, a naive Jedi Padwan, sent out to by some beer for his master. Dallin does wear the usual Jedi Robe, his lightsaber is hidden. Noone would recognize him as soon-to-be Jedi. He approaches the bar.

Dallin: "Barman, two Corusca-beer."

Suddenly voices on the left back rise - a Rodian, a Trandoshan and a Human begin to argue - rise their voices.
Dallin monitors the whole scene for some time and then decides to intervene. He walks toward the table.

Dallin: "What is your problem, good peoples?"
Human: "Huh?"
Dallin: "I would really, really like to help you."
Human: "Who says we want your help?"
Dallin: "I am a Jedi Padawan - everybody wants my help!"

The Human male arches an eyebrow and throws some quick words to the two others.

Man: "My... 'partners' say it's alright."
Dallin: "Goody! How may I be of assist?"

The man suddenly has a devilish grin on his face while looking at Dallin

Man: "The problem is the following..."
Dallin: "Yes?"
Man: "Won't you please not interrupt me?"
Dallin: "Oh, sure"
Man: "As I said: I was about to make a little flight to..."
Dallin: "Where?"
Man: "I said do NOT interrupt me, boy!"
Dallin: "Sure, sorry."
Man: "Where've I been?"
Dallin: "You don't want me to interrupt you."
Man: "No, stupid! Where have I stopped?"
Dallin: "You said something about a flight..."
Man: "Right. Needar and Gro'Lor want to pay only 4,000 credits. But we had a deal wich said they'd pay me 8,000 credits!"

The two Aliens, Needar and Gro'Lor start to argue in their language - which nobody understands. Dallin is excited - his first task as soon-to-be-Jedi. He thinks a second and then begins to talk.

Dallin: "Alright. Here's the Jedi's decision: Needar and Gro'Lor have to pay the whole 8,000 credits. A deal is a deal."

The man seems to be happy with this - not the aliens, though. But since the whole bar listens to them, the finally hand the man a bunch of credit notes. The human packs them away, smiling.

Man: "I knew the Kessel-route would earn me lots of credits!"
Dallin: "Wait a second, are you a smuggler?"
Man: "Erm... I have to go..."
Dallin: "No! you are smuggeling spice from Kessel! You are a bad man!"

The man is slightly angered and pulls his Blaster

Man: "Whatever, kid. I am leaving."
Dallin: "No, you're not. I order you to stay. You are arrested."
Man: "Haaa? Haha? HAHRHARHAERHAHAHAAHAAAAA... URGH!"

The man begins to laugh until some well known blue lightnings hit him in his chest, killing him immediatly. Needar and Gro'Lor decide that it's now time to leave. Dallin whirls around to take a look at the attacker. There is a man in the standart Dark Jedi clothes etc. He's grinning madly.

Mad Jedi: "I hate it when they do that!"
Dallin: shocked "You killed him!"
Mad Jedi: "Oh, yeah."
Dallin: pointing at him "You are a bad man, too!"
Mad Jedi: "I'm worse. I'm a Dark Jedi."

This is shocking Dallin even more. He stumbles back while trying to pull his lightsaber. Unfortunately the weapon seems to have somewhat hooked itself to his robe. The Dark Jedi is watching interested as Dallin falls over a small chair and finally gets a hold to his saber. He jumps up, igniting it, showing a green blade. The Dark Jedi doesn't seem to be as scared as Dallin has expected.

Dallin: "You don't seem to be as scared as I expected... I am a Jedi (almost)! Surrender immediatly!"
Mad Jedi: "You're holding your saber the wrong way."
Dallin: "Oh, thanks."

Dallin twists his saber and approaches the Dark Jedi

Dallin: "Who are you anyway?"
Mad Jedi: "The name's Brandell. Jacen Brandell."
Dallin. "Ah. Aha."
Jacen: "Now, Dallin, since we now know each other, it's time to talk about something..."

Enter Jar Jar Binks.

Binks: "Meeza just wanna hava beer!"

Dallin and Jacen immediatly pull their Blasters and shoot him.

Jacen: "Where have we been?"
Dallin: "Shooting Jar Jar?"
Jacen: "No, stupid. I want to make you an offer you can't deny.."
Dallin: "The old 'I pay your bill trick' doesn't work with me!"

Jacen slaps his forehead

Jacen: "NO; STUPID! I want to offer you the chance of joining the Dark Side of the Force!"
Dallin: "No! Never! It's bad! All Sith are bad!"
Jacen: "Sith aren't as bad as soon as you get to know them better."
Dallin: "Really? I mean... no! I will never join your cause!"
Jacen: "Join me and I will teach you ultimate power!"
Dallin: recitating "A Jedi does not seek power - only knowledge."
Jacen: "Join me and I will give you ultimate knowledge!"
Dallin: "Uhh.... erm..."

Suddenly the bar vanishes and Jacen Brandell is in NYC, on a stormy night. He's in front of a orchester, wearing white clothes. In front of him there is a micro which he grabs at that point, shouting: "COME WITH ME!"
A shout, just like from a twenty-meter mutated monster-lizard can be heared.
In a second they're back at the bar.

Dallin: "Cool!"
Jacen: "Isn't it? I will show you this and much more!"
Dallin: "No, I won't join you!"
Jacen: "You will, trust me!"
Dallin: "No! Never!"
Jacen: "Two words..."
Dallin: "Yes?"
Jacen: "Free private insurance."
Dallin: "But that're three words..."
Jacen: "Who cares, stupid? What do you say?"
Dallin: "Erm... ahem... uh..."

By now Dallin has deactivated his saber and the audience can see that he is really about to give in.

Dallin: "I... I don't need private insurance..."
Jacen: "Of course!"
Dallin: "NO!"
Jacen: "Explore your feelings - you know it's true!"
Dallin: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Someone groans

Jacen: "Did I mention that you can't be fired once you're a Dark Jedi? Forever, the Dark Side will control your destiny!"
Dallin: "You mean you can't be fired?"
Jacen: "I said that, yeah."
Dallin: "And what about, say, if you're doing some really bad things?"
Jacen: "Well, that'd be your job!"
Dallin: "But I have to dismantle and betray the Light Side!"
Jacen: "Well, she's got used to."
Dallin: "Huh?"

Jacen takes out an old scroll - officially signed. He shows it Dallin

Dallin: "Oh."

Jacen takes the scroll back

Jacen: "You don't have to make this for nothing. 120K - as apprentice!"
Dallin: "WHAT?"
Jacen: "I said..."
Dallin: "I heard it. just said 'WHAT?' as sign of my astonishment."
Jacen: "Yeah... I know."

Everybody can see he didn't.

Dallin: "Wehay! Can I guess? The Dark Side?"
Jacen: puzzled "What? Oh, yes!"
Dallin: "But I don't know..."
Jacen: plays his last trumph "You'll get a brand new Incom B-45 Landspeeder!"
Dallin: "Where do I sign up?"

Jacen is completing Dallin's way to the Dark Side. He lets him slaughter all people in the bar and then takes him out. They walk to the landing bays where there's a shuttle ready. Jacen says: "Next stop - Eos!"
Cut.

Scene shift: An old man is sitting on a bench. It's obviously the same city. On his belt everybody can see a lightsaber. He's looking at his watch.

Jedi Master: "Where's Dallin? And where's my beer?"

final cut

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