EH Celebrity Jeopardy
AC Belzedar D'arkangel (Ammuud)/HC-8
(ryuujintrunks@home.com)

Cast
ALEX TREBECK, the host of Celebrity Jeopardy!
SAMUEL "Stalker5" ROTHWELL, the SDIR of the Intelligence Division
KARVA DRONAAL, the GMF of the Directorate
COOLGUY, the Communications Officer

(Enter the set of Celebrity Jeopardy! ALEX TREBECK is standing center stage facing the audience, while SAMUEL ROTHWELL, KARVA DRONAAL, and COOLGUY are standing behind their own podiums, buzzers at the ready. The audience is clapping as the Jeopardy! theme music plays.)

ALEX TREBECK
Hello, and welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy! I would like to take this time to remind our contestants not to use racial slurs. That said, let's take a look at the scores.

(ALEX TREBECK walks over to his podium.)

There is a close fight for second place, with SAMUEL ROTHWELL at -4500 credits and KARVA DRONAAL at -4300 credits.

SAMUEL ROTHWELL
Oooh, look at Mr. I-Got-The-Answers! You wouldn't be so great if you didn't have those cards, you smarmy bloke!

ALEX TREBECK
What did I just say about racial slurs? And in a commanding lead, COOLGUY with two credits.

COOLGUY
I'm Canadian ;P

ALEX TREBECK
Touching.

KARVA DRONAAL
I RULE THE WORLD YOU LIVE ON, TREBECK!!

ALEX TREBECK
For the last time Mr. Dronaal, no you don't. (Turns to the audience.) It's time for Double Jeopardy! so let's take a look at the categories.

(Monetary values appear on the wall of TVs behind ALEX TREBECK.)

ALEX TREBECK
And the categories are: Potent Potables, Holidays, EH Medals that end in 'of Honor', Famous Palpatines, Literature, the Dark Side, and Planet Names that begin with 'Aurora'. Mr. Rothwell, you're in third so you may pick first.

SAMUEL ROTHWELL
The day is mine! I'll take Holidays for 1000.

ALEX TREBECK
And the answer is: This January 6th holiday garners a fleet-wide celebration.

(KARVA DRONAAL rings in.)

Mr. Dronaal?

KARVA DRONAAL
What is my birthday?

ALEX TREBECK
Is your birthday on January 6th, Mr. Dronaal?

KARVA DRONAAL
No, March 8th.

ALEX TREBECK
I have your bio here, and it says December 11th.

(SAMUEL ROTHWELL rings in.)

SAMUEL ROTHWELL
The day I lost my virginity!

ALEX TREBECK
No.

(Soft buzzer)

ALEX TREBECK
And the answer was the founding of the Emperor's Hammer… Mr. Rothwell, you're still in control of the board.

SAMUEL ROTHWELL
EH Medals that end in 'of Honor'.

ALEX TREBECK
For how much, Mr. Rothwell?

SAMUEL ROTHWELL
Surprise me, you Canadian git.

ALEX TREBECK
(sighs) EH Medals that end 'of Honor' for 400. This is the highest medal in the Emperor's Hammer.

(KARVA DRONAAL rings in.)

ALEX TREBECK
(sarcastically) Oh goodie, Mr. Dronaal.

KARVA DRONAAL
What is the Fist of Palpatine?

(Annoying buzzer)

ALEX TREBECK
No.

(COOLGUY rings in.)

COOLGUY
What is the Canadian of Honor?

ALEX TREBECK
No.

(Soft buzzer)

ALEX TREBECK
The Medal of Honor. Are you guys on the EH Command Staff or not?

SAMUEL ROTHWELL
I know where you live, Trebeck.

ALEX TREBECK
No you don't. (pause, and turns to COOLGUY) Mr. Coolguy, why don't you choose a category?

COOLGUY
;P I'll take Famous Canadians for 1000.

ALEX TREBECK
(pause, patronizing look at COOLGUY) That's not a category.

COOLGUY
;P

ALEX TREBECK
Mr. Dronaal, please pick a category.

KARVA DRONAAL
Planets that begin with 'Aurora'.

ALEX TREBECK
This planet is the homeworld of the Emperor's Hammer.

(silence)

ALEX TREBECK
No one knows?

(more silence. KARVA DRONAAL rings in.)

ALEX TREBECK
Thank God, Mr. Dronaal.

KARVA DRONAAL
What is Aurora Central!

(annoying buzzer)

I AM THE (beep)ING GRAND MOFF, IT IS AURORA CENTRAL GODDAMMIT!

ALEX TREBECK
Good Lord, you ARE all in the EH, right?

(SAMUEL ROTHWELL rings in.)

ALEX TREBECK
Mr. Rothwell?

SAMUEL ROTHWELL
Stiletto!

(annoying buzzer)

ALEX TREBECK
Aurora Prime, the answer was Aurora Prime. (pause) And I have just received news that Grand Admiral Ronin has shot himself in the head. (in a higher tone) Let's move onto Final Jeopardy. And the category is… EH Ranks. And the question is… This is the rank reserved for the Grand Admiral.

(Jeopardy! music plays. The players look puzzled and begin to write.)

The rank reserved for the Grand Admiral… just write it down… I already said the answer in the question… Grand Admiral is a rank…

(music stops. Players put their pens down.)

Let's see what Mr. Rothwell put down.

(A close up of SAMUEL ROTHWELL's screen is shown. SDIR is written there.)

And Mr. Rothwell wrote SDIR. That is wrong, Mr. Rothwell.

SAMUEL ROTHWELL
Damn you and your trick questions, TREBECK!

ALEX TREBECK
Stunning. Let's see what Mr. Coolguy wrote.

(a ;P appears)

ALEX TREBECK
You wrote ';P'. (pause) I'm speechless. Finally, onto Mr. Dronaal, let's see what he wrote…

('Grand Moff' appears on the screen)

Grand Moff.

(KARVA "raises the roof.)

ALEX TREBECK
At this point, Mr. Dronaal, I'm convinced you have a learning disability. (turns to the audience) Thankfully, this is all the time we have, I'm ALEX TREBECK, and I quit.

News and events of things happening in the Emperor's Hammer