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Hev Randrowan Pizza Story - AD Pickled Yoda
D00de! Where’s my pizza?
“Oi! OI! Shut up!” Captain Yoda was yelling at his pilots. They were past tipsy, as Crusader had invited them to the WC’s Own bash. “Listen to the report!”
The Wing Report, as usual, was also being broadcast to the squadron hangars. WC Hev was finishing off, “And finally, Odin Commander Pickled Yoda will be bringing me a pizza before the next report.”
The pilots of Odin cheered, and resumed their drinking. All except for LT Porshakka, who was on probation already, for his activity record. Yoda called his wookie acquaintance over to him.
“Shak, seeing as you can’t drink on probation, you might as well do some work…for the time being, you are our quartermaster for anything I need for my pizza.”
“[Fine]”
“Get me a dozen golf balls, a two foot wide pizza base, two of the substances in the top twenty banned narcotics list, a large pot, a tauntaun (preferably dead) and the cheapest bottle of wine you can find. .. Oh, and arrange for me to have access to the Grey Wolf kitchens.”
“[Yes sir]”
“Good. In the meantime, Yoda thought about previous pizzas that Hev had devoured. One crucial ingredient seemed missing….Hutt Meat. And Yoda knew the perfect Hutt.
Later that day, a conversation went something like this:
“Aww come on Snail….won’t hurt a bit.”
“No!”
“Just a foot or so of the tail”
“No way!”
“Won’t hurt a bit?”
“I don’t care”
“You sure you won’t change your mind?”
“Very.”
“Thanks anyway”
Yoda flipped of the holocomm and racked his brains for another ingredient. He abruptly sat up straight and called ‘Shak.
“I need shavings from a goat’s horn and a small pile of wookie hair. Also the first five rodents you catch.”
“[Anything else?]” Porshakka was rather amused by the strange requests.
“Open a Comm Channel to the M/FRG Phoenix, to Z’Harm Kelh”
Within a minute Yoda was talking to his old commander and friend. He quickly summed the situation.
“So…..got any ideas?”
“If I had to eat that (and I hope I never will), I’d want a keg of paint thinner to wash it down.”
“Good idea. Hey…how’s retirement?”
“Great….super rooms.”
“How does a M/FRG hold that much?”
“Oh….we take anyone without a rank above LCM and the Order of the Vanguard, and shove them in a stasis chamber.”
Yoda smiled. “Well I’ll be off”
“Bye.”
“Porshakka?”
“[You want a keg of paint thinner]”
“Yes.”
A few days later and all the ingredients have arrived. Yoda had control of the kitchens.
“Put the golf balls in boiling water until they are soft enough to bite into and not lose a tooth. Take some lean cuts of Tauntaun and spread them over the liquid SMIACK™ on the base. Take that powdery looking stuff and sprinkle to a depth of no less than two centimeters. Top it with the wookie hair, pour most of the wine over it, and then stick it in the deep fryer.”
Just before it went into the deep fryer, Yoda realized that there was something missing. “Wait!”
He ran off to the hangar, grabbed a cutting tool and a TIE cockpit viewing screen. A few minutes later he was back in the kitchen. He dumped the shards of glass on the pizza, and added the golf balls. Yoda stood back in admiration of his work and grinned.
“Perfect. Into the fryer!”
The day of the wing report, Yoda brought the pizza to Hev’s door, with the keg of paint thinner and a specially reinforced glass. The pizza wasn’t sizzling hot….so Yoda summoned the force and added some Force Lightning. He grinned and knocked on the door.
[-----WC to insert his reaction here-----]
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