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Imperial Gardening - AD Pickled Yoda
Hello good evening and welcome to the Pickled Yoda school of gardening for the TIE Corps Officer. I realize you may not have an abundance of space, soil, seeds, water, nutrients or horticultural talent, but nevertheless, if you follow my simple steps, you will be guaranteed something will grow. The odds are good that it might even be edible and not fatal for most species!
Firstly, choose the plants you are going to grow. I recommend the onion. My fellow horticulturalist on the Grey Wolf, Joey, orders you all to plant a leek, and is selling them at reasonable prices. Take a leek today!
Secondly, put the seeds in soil or a soil substitute. Suggested soil substitutes include the ship’s reactor, the trash compactor, and Commodore Frodo’s hairy hobbit feet.
Third, you should water these on a regular basis. I do it weekly, on Fridays, which is also Joey’s washing day. Using water is actually important. The ISD Immortal Garden Association were last seen heading to their greenhouse with some waste products from their reactor (mistakenly labeled as water), and no trace has been found since.
Fourth, lump it all in together, add some spices, and serve it in small portions to your guests. If you point your blaster at them, there will be no complaints.
Lastly, as a space filler to get the regulation line length for my article, something about time of the year to plant and a warning to never ever let Khadgar talk you into writing a short piece about gardening1.
(1) Editor's Note: I've never talked anyone into writing a gardening article. This is a newsletter, not a Botany lesson!
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