Brotherhood Dark Council gets an Overhaul

The Dark Brotherhood was said to be quaking in fear today at the appointment of KAP Mejas Doto to the position of Headmaster - for which he receives a rank elevation to DA - and the appointment of KE Mairin Astoris to Krath High Priestess, being elevated to KPN at the same time. When asked to comment, Mejas responded with: "Thank you, thank you!" whilst Mairin merrily said: "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" and proceeded to bounce her way through the Dark Halls like a small tigger. Oh dear...

CO appointment rosters get smack in the face

In response to the recent number of high-level abuses of CO appointments, a new bylaw has been introduced. The new bylaw is to cover a recent spate of people applying for CA, CO and similar positions, only to retire to FM/COL within a couple months. The new bylaw will mean persons who do not serve at least 6 months in these positions before leaving it will resume their prior rank in the TC, as opposed to automatically gaining full Colonel. They will also lose their various benefits, including mental health coverage, an item highly coveted by high-ranking officers.

New COMM Appointed

With a distinct lack of pomp and fanfare, the new Communications Officer was announced this week. RA Hacksolo, former CA:COMM, was the lucky appointee. In his first announcement as COMM, the Rear Admiral promised to honour the time-held traditions of idling, inactivity and lax enforcement of regulations that have been a hallmark of the Communications Office since its creation.

emperorshammer.ca closes down

Today was a dark day for web space freeloaders as the Internet Officer, Fleet Admiral AbsoluteK, announced that the upcoming IO budget was not sufficient to keep the service running. Also, the budgetary decreases will result in cut backs in the systems running core IO services. When queried about the possibility of using porno banners to make up the budget shortfall, the IO responded with "You work for the TO, right?"

Blindness to cripple the EH within 5 years

That's the grim prediction of the Medical Officer, Admiral Michael Tolwyn. "With so many crappy EH sites out there using that damned starfield graphic, it was only a matter of time before the eyesight of our pilots and other members would become compromised." The EH's chief quack explained. He also cited (ha) poorly adjusted display units as adding to the problem. "Maybe now if we started switching sites to lighter colours, more pastels, more whites, yellows, light blues, especially for backgrounds, we might have a chance at stopping this."

LA announces JK2, eliminates competition

Lawyer heavies from LucasArts Gestapo Central, armed with cease and desist letters, have shut down two promisng Star Wars related endevours. Firstly, an Unreal Tournament level maker, followed by a Star Wars mod for Deus Ex. In a totally unrelated press conference, LucasArts announced the upcoming Jedi Knight: Outcast, which will continue the struggles of Kyle Katarn and his hottie sidekick, Jan Ors.