Horoscopes
by
Mairin Astoris
| Aries: March 21st - April 19th | |
| What what what??? You want a horoscope??? What planet are you from? | |
| Taurus: April 20th - May 20th | |
| We're still shooting cows over here, so keep your head down! | |
| Gemini: May 21st - June 21st | |
| In the spirit of this horoscopes page, yours is remarkably quick; that suits you down to the ground. | |
| Cancer: June 22nd - July 22nd | |
| Get away, before I call Buffy out! | |
| Leo: July 23rd - August 22nd | |
| Your mane is getting a little long, and you might want to get it trimmed soon... | |
| Virgo: August 23rd - September 22nd | |
| Careful! The rebels are getting closer and they want a piece of the action! | |
| Libra: September 23rd - October 23rd | |
| And... there went the balance... and there went the bank... I think we're up financial problems creek without a panic button. | |
| Scorpio: October 24th - November 22nd | |
| Erg... ehh... um... the er... the cards say nothing today! | |
| Sagittarius: November 23rd - December 21st | |
| I see the chocolate & rum fondue suggestion last month worked - now you might want to go to the gym... | |
| Capricorn: December 22nd - January 19th | |
| Life, liberty, fruit of the loom... and a large career stretching scarily out in front of you. Eek! | |
| Aquarius: January 20th - February 18th | |
| Like a fish out of water, you flop around in the shallows... but no one is coming to save you today. Not unless you pay a lot anyway. | |
| Pisces: February 19th - March 20th | |
| Gone fishing... the psychic MaiMai will be back in ten minutes.. by which time you'll have read this and gone away. | |