Yes! It’s true! After months of dormancy and well – near-death, the Cosmo is back! Just in time to celebrate Christmas, the Cosmo’s Head Editor had only this to say on the story: “I thought it was about time we injected some more humour into this club…”
Well, it’s been an eventful year for appointments within the EH this year. The Tie Corps has seen no less than four Flight Officers – one wonders what on earth we’ve been doing to the poor little bunnies!
The Internet Office has seen all change; the Security Office has seen the resignation of HA Rapier and the appointment of AD Nightflyer to Security Officer – which was followed very quickly by the appointment of VA Mairin Astoris to CA:SO. Wahey!
Perennial favourite, HA Astatine, our beloved Training Officer is still bouncing around whipping us all into shape – and has shocked the EH with his hunt for a CA:TO. Surely not!
With one Grand Master stepping out of the Dark Brotherhood, to be replaced with GM Zoraan, we’ve also seen the appointment of three different Masters-at-Arms, with no less than two of them being removed for inactivity. Symptomatic of the Brotherhood as a whole, one wonders?
Not only that, but the IW has seen a new IWCOM (or two) and the Hammer’s Fist seems to have vanished off the face of the earth. Do you guys still exist?
Have the BHG done anything? If they have, they’ve kept it remarkably quiet. We were tempted to go and pay them for information, then decided we’d like to keep our credits in our pocket for Christmas presents. We’re not telling you what we bought, and we’re not telling you who for, either.
All the important happenings seem to have happened in the last third of the year. This is all wrong, and shouldn’t have happened, but that’s the way life works. First and foremost was, of course, the severance of EH-RS relations. The entire argument has been bandied around everywhere, so you all know about it already.
Along with this went the departure of our beloved Nighthawk. He took Morality Mountain with him, which is why we’re able to publish what we like.
This year has also seen the 5th anniversary of the Emperor’s Hammer (woo!) and of course the 1st wedding anniversary of our much-loved Fleet Commander.
Far more important than all the above, of course, was the return of our adored Head Editor from Egypt and to the arms of her beloved Internet.
Far more important than all the above, of course, was the return of our adored Head Editor from Egypt and to the arms of her beloved Internet.
Somewhat stunned residents of the #DB channel, were bemused and horrified to discover that Manesh had finally got laid. Gleaning this important information from one of Manesh’s “Real Life” Friends, we were gob smacked to discover that “Manesh gets around a lot down here”. What has happened, we all cried, to our loveable huggable little Manesh? What has happened, we asked ourselves, to our poll-maestro? What is the world coming to, screamed a thousand teenagers, when Manesh gets laid before we do?
Wittily put by Kumba: “Manesh gets laid. Hell has frozen over. In other news, it will be raining blood for the rest of the day.”
When Manesh returned, however, to wrest his computer from the clutches of the demon damsel friend who had told these scurrilous lies, he cried out in passion: “I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman!”
Germany: Peopled by a large number of Germans and a few Brits, this meeting went down with much drunkenness and fun. The whole story was documented by this magazine in an earlier issue, featuring the marvellous CMDR Bra-ndon, Oldie’s special trousers, Mairin’s birthday, much drunkenness and Calli’s boyfriend on a mobile phone.
London: August 2000. Mairin, Jarla, Alanna, Mav and Smazza all in one house with a bottle of Archer’s and a bottle of Bacardi. Drunkenness tried to ensue, but failed. Although Mairin has some hilarious photographs of Jarla, which will (of course) be published in the New Year.
Sheffield: Featuring Mell, Mairin, Wysseri, Indaro, Darklord, Oldham, and Amadeo. The meeting included two or three days of great fun, some clubbing, some laser-questing (Mairin sucked, let’s face it – but she did it well!), some snogging (Mai and Amadeo, Wyss and Indi – go guys!) and some falling in love (Mai and Darklord). So you see… all this lovey dovey stuff on IRC is all Mell’s fault.
Imagine for just one moment that the Fleet Commander were to resign (Heavens forfend!). What would happen? Here’s one scenario that popped up on IRC recently to explain what would happen if Ronin were ever to leave…
Compton has become Fleet Commander – but retained the rank of Sector Admiral to honour all the work Ronin has done. He has appointed HA Astatine as his XO, and Astatine will now be doing the newsletters. Astatine has also painted the Sovereign grey with orange stripes down the side, and ripped out its interior, turning it into a 15-mile long strip club. The new flagship will be the SSD Avenger. The OPS Office will not be moving to the Avenger.
Coursca has been made Flight Officer and awarded the Order of the Renegade to apologise for his summary dismissal from Prex earlier in the year.
All change in the HCI has seen Paladin AWOLed by now SA Astatine, and replaced with Sarriss. Faethor has been appointed as the new Poll Officer and Manesh is the new Tribune.
In other, shock news, Sirrus has been readmitted to the Fleet and will soon be made COMM. He has also been drafted in by the new Fleet Commander to act as an advisor on how to make the EH more accessible to non-members.
Blackhawk has been appointed Security Officer. Obiwan has been appointed Grand Master of the Dark Brotherhood, and Sabaci has been appointed as Krath High Priest. Dev will be returning as Operations Officer, and Howlader will soon be retiring – to the Sovereign we presume!
The first command of the new FC has been to change the names of the ISDs. The ISD Grey Wolf will now be known as the ISD Sexy Pants. The ISD Challenge was to be known as the ISD Freakboy – but Howlader stepped in with the much more successful “ISD Slut”. The ISD Relentless will now be known as the ISD Princess. The ISD Colossus will be known as the ISD City of Compton.
And the EH capital has been moved to the planet Hel. All those requiring an audience with the new FC must, therefore, go to Hel.