It’s the Christmas Quiz!

Answer the questions, tot up your answers and then check the end section to find out what kind of Christmas Elf you are.

1. Christmas makes you want to:
   1. Turn cartwheels in the snow, make snowmen and give joy and cheer to all
   2. Sink into morose bitchiness and ignore the world
   3. Care, share, and love – just as long as you get more back than you put in
   4. Kill everyone who gets in your way


2. Turkey gives you:
   1. A warm fuzzy feeling inside
   2. A warm sick feeling inside
   3. A warm feeling inside – but only till the Yule log arrives
   4. A desire to kill everyone who gets in your way


3. Presents are:
   1. Great! I always get what I want!
   2. Ok, I guess. It’d be nicer if people got me what I wanted.
   3. Great! I buy cheap gifts and get expensive ones back! Bargain!
   4. Trash. They make me want to kill everyone who gets in my way


4. Christmas trees:
   1. Look really cool and pretty!
   2. Depress me
   3. Look great – especially when I decorated them!
   4. Make me want to kill everyone who gets in my way.


5. Carol singers are:
   1. Great! They do a cool job and give all the money they make to charity!
   2. Annoying little con artists
   3. They’re ok – but I can sing a hell of a lot better!
   4. Horrid little evil creatures! They make me want to kill everyone who gets in my way!


6. Santa Claus is:
   1. Really neat! He’s big and red and jolly!
   2. Probably a closet drunk
   3. Great as long as he brings me the best presents in the world
   4. Canon fodder. He’s going to die tonight… cause I’m going to kill everyone who gets in my way…


7. Angels are:
   1. Brilliant! I want their wings so I can fly around and look all glittery!
   2. Sanctimonious little goody two-shoes
   3. All right, but I’d look better in those little winged outfits
   4. Dead, if I get my hands on them. I want to kill everyone who gets in my way


8. The Nativity is:
   1. Awe-inspiring! I can hardly believe it happened that way!
   2. Probably didn’t happen that way. You know how people distort things after the event
   3. Ok… but I could have done better as Mary
   4. Wouldn’t have happened if I’d been there. I would have killed everyone who got in my way


9. Your favourite Christmas present came from:
   1. My mother of course! She knows me so much better than anyone else, and she’s so thoughtful and good to me!
   2. Myself. No one else can buy for me.
   3. My boyfriend. Well. He paid for it, I chose it. Good thing too. The fright he wanted to get me would have clashed horribly with this outfit!
   4. No one. People don’t buy me presents – I kill them all first. I kill everyone who gets in my way…


10. What’s your New Year resolution going to be?
    1. To spread joy and happiness throughout the world
    2. To stay in bed all year and hide from the world
    3. To spread myself all through the world so they can enjoy my beauty, wit and style
    4. To kill everyone who gets in my way…




And here’s the deciding question:

11. How many positions did COL Oldham try out in the Massage Parlour?
    1. He went to one? Gosh, how wildly exciting!
    2. Probably couldn’t afford more than 3
    3. I wouldn’t want to know. I’m far more interested in my own sex life thanks!
    4. Have I visited the Massage Parlour? Cause it wouldn’t have been there if I’d been there first… I kill everyone who gets in my way…

You are:?

Mostly A: Sickening Elf – oh my, oh my, oh my. How do you manage to walk around all day without getting lynched by hoards of annoyed people? How do you maintain your sweet innocence and upbeat take on life? Who on earth injected you with the sickening trait? It’s cute, but it wears on people. Might be time to tone it down a little…

Mostly B: Clinically Depressed Cynical Elf – You take all the fun out of life. You’re constantly looking for the catch in everything, and picking holes in everything you can. You’re always on the look out for your next bottle of prozac, and all in all you’re fairly self-obsessed. Unfortunately, you’re so wrapped up in yourself you think you’re the new Christ. People laugh at you a lot.

Mostly C: Self-Centred Selfish but Cute Elf – You’re funny, quirky, cute, and lots of people pay you attention. Your high opinion of yourself is grating on others in the extreme, but well deserved. You know your worth and you think everyone else should know it too. Whilst there’s nothing wrong with that, if you were famous you would probably be assassinated. People like you until they realise how shallow you are. Then they fall totally in love with your flaws.

Mostly D: Homicidal Maniac Elf – You hate the world. You hate everything in it. Christmas just serves to remind you of how bad life really is. You want to end it all. And take everyone out with you. People don’t like you because you’re rude, surly and bad tempered. You still think you can get a girlfriend. You’re wrong.