E H M

Vice Admiral Kyle Cantor Kessler is very rarely addressed by his full title and name by anybody who has ever talked to him, and even at that it seems strange. Most people call him just "Kess" and most people would laugh at the idea of calling him "sir." Don't get the wrong idea; this isn't due to any lack of respect for the man. In fact, quite the opposite. The affable Kessler exudes such approachability and friendliness that the austere title of "Battlegroup Commander" seems strange to apply to him. He is, to coin a term, "salt of the earth," and his heart is still undoubtedly on the front-line, amongst the men and women of the squadrons, as it always has been. He has brought innumerable new positive aspects to the position of Battlegroup Commander, and to the ships under his control. When he left his leadership of Tornado Squadron for the post, there was an outcry from his pilots, desperate for him to stay. That kind of respect is something that every Squadron Commander can only ever dream of earning. And what's more, he gives as good as he gets. Vice Admiral Kessler is one of the extreme few flag officers who can be blatantly (and even publicly) insulted by, say, a Flight member, and rather than run blubbing to the Inquisitors, deliver back a devastating quip.

All of this is said with absolutely no hyperbole; ask any officer aboard the Challenge, and they would agree with the above analysis of Kessler. In fact, at the mention of his name, they would fall to their knees and begin chanting. Most of the Challenge, who Kessler repeatedly refers to as "bumfaces," will always fondly remember walking past his office time and time again, hearing the screams of fresh-faced Cadets inside.

Of course then, such a prime target of respectability is excellent fodder for EHM, so this reporter went on a personal crusade to see what Vice Admiral Kessler was really all about.

"I've taken to wandering about the hangars with a "Get It Here" sign these days," he admits, pre-empting our attempts to ruthlessly tarnish his reputation by doing it himself. Kessler seems reluctant to accept the praise lavished upon him, and he reacts with cheery good humour. But that's what we would expect from him. If he began loudly proclaiming, "I'm the greatest Battlegroup Commander in the EH ... ever!" then although he would be quite right, we would know that it wasn't our Kessler. He would say something like, "I'm the greatest Battlegroup Commander in the EH ... at this moment in time." (There's only one BGCOM right now ... that's the joke, you idiot).

Vice Admiral Kessler's career is a distinguished one; taking the Tornado Squadron commander post, he quickly rose to Wing Commander of Wing X, and helped win the Challenge Cup Tournament in 1998, winning the ship critical acclaim and widespread recognition as one of the best ships in the fleet. Real-life interferences, though, and the TIE Corps downsizing by Fleet Admiral Darth Vader ("I never did get my goat back from him," Kess complains), forced Kyle to retire for a prolonged period, explaining, "If you can't beat them, run away from them, that's what I say. As it happens, our fears were groundless, and in the long run, the downsizing did more good than harm."

(Un)fortunately for all of us, he returned once again to his beloved Challenge, re-assuming the Tornado 1-1 spot. Then, one day, the Battlegroup Commander position happened to open up and ... well, the rest is the stuff of nightmares ...

Following recent rumours aboard the Challenge of the Vice Admiral's "unhealthy" interest in the welfare of TIE Corps Cadets, EHM decided to give him the opportunity to put the scandalous lies to rest and vindicate his reputation. "Get promoted to Flag Rank," he says, offering advice for people with similar Cadet-oriented tastes. "Power is an excellent aphrodisiac"

We leap upon the opportunity to seek Kessler's love advice for all the lonely readers (and writers) of EHM. Particularly, how to win over affection. "Threaten them with an assignment to the SSSD Sovereign. Works every time," he offers, then adding in afterthought, "I really hope Kramer isn't going to read this."

Don't worry Kess, I don't think anybody is reading this.

It is nigh upon impossible to ignore his achievements as Battlegroup Commander: increasing links between ships, instituting the first Battlegroup-wide contest, encouraging activity through monthly Battlegroup awards, working more closely with Commodores and Wing Commanders ... the list is endless. But, when asked what he thinks is his greatest achievement, there is an awkward pause. "Tough call," the modest Kessler admits, finally deciding, "Not having to call Torres "sir" anymore. Actually, VA Torres and CPT Vader are the bona fide pimps of the Battlegroups."

Err ... alrighty ... moving swiftly on, we ask him a rather more taxing question. Namely, who does he think would be the best candidate to replace him if he (ack) retired as Battlegroup Commander? His answer is immediately and very very sure: "My teddy bear -- Jules. He has all the qualities required of a good Flag Officer -- soft yet firm, and able to bend to any number of strange shapes. He looks good in boots too."

Carrying on the question, we wonder what Kessler would do after retirement? Perhaps the cliched old Inquisitorial post?

"After BGCOM? You don't get rid of me that easily. I'll be here for a good long while yet. I intend to get myself promoted to any position that outranks you just so I can torment you for years to come."

At this, interviewer promptly sprints off to slit his wrists with a rusty pair of scissors, we leave the last -- and perhaps most fitting words -- to Vice Admiral Kessler himself:

"I recently bumped into LC Maverick, who was CMDR of Typhoon last year when I was a CMDR too ... his reaction when he heard I was BGCOM: "I didn't realise things were that bad""

Neither did we, Kess ... neither did we ..

Note - AD Kessler is now Flight Officer of the Emperor's Hammer, and 4th in command of the fleet. Scary, huh? :P