How to...Fly a TIE Fighter

So you made it into the TIE Corps...but does that mean you can fly the dam things? Does it hell! You need practice, and we here at EHM have compiled some top tips for getting a TIE out of the hanger and um...well that's about it really :P

• Make sure your helmet is fastened securely to your head. VA Kessler still hasn't recovered from his incident two years ago that led to him becoming not quite so pretty...incidently, it's been two years since Kess went on a date with a real woman :P

• Don't pull the stick too far back and crush your twig and berries. Not only does it hurt, but the change in your voice of at least two octaves means that your Commodore will volunteer you for choir duty. (Ask GN Wolly...Soprano of the SSSD Sovereign).

• Always check that your seat is in the upright position before take off...and try not to use your TIE as a "shag-pad" too often otherwise you'll screw up the suspension.

• Always check that you have your special "safety" pants on before you embark on your mission, just in case you come across a rather un-characteristically enthusiastic Z-95 pilot.

• NEVER carry furry dice...those high-G turns can turn them into fluffy morningstars...

• Magic Mushrooms can have unfortunate consequences if their emissions mix with fuel exhaust or blaster ozone. Ever wondered why Compton has no eyebrows? Now you know...

• If you are sent out on a mission that your briefing officer refers to as "suicidely tactically-overwhelmingly impossible", he means you're gonna get your ass kicked, big time.

• When on night time patrol, try flying past VA Kessler's quarters and take a peek inside. You'd be suprised how many fresh faced Ensigns can be crammed in there at one time.

• As you should know, TIE Fighters have two modes of fire; single fire and dual fire. If you should ever find yourself in a TIE that has a "zero fire" mode then get out, fast.

• When it looks like you're about to die, and there's no option but to eject; don't start searching frantically for the eject button!!! There isn't one in a TIE Fighter.