[SALUTE]
Captain Elbee,

Your IRC humor feature in Battlecry is a good idea.
Although I'm retired now, I happened to drop in and
look at the latest Battlecry, and thought I'd submit
one or two.
First of all, here's an exchange I had with Kessler
when he was FO/FA and happened to mention some
business he was attending to. I'm afraid I don't have
the exact log here, but it's so short I can recreate
it almost word-for-word.

<Kessler> Hmm...
<Kessler> How do I tell "Cadet Fat Bastard" that he'll
have to change his name?
<IQpierce> Tell him it's already taken by a Command
Officer.

Another memorable experience in ICQ can be found here:

<http://www.baylor.edu/~Shay_Pierce/images/Blackmail.htm>

It's rather infamous by now. It's been edited for
length and spelling a little bit. Quite amusing.

[SALUTE]

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Vice Admiral Ingo Q. Pierce, retired.
RSV/VA IQ Pierce/M/FRG Phoenix/Reserves

[22:44] * DyrDiablo puls red button
[22:44] <aggie> hello jbean
[22:44] * `Quake blows up
[22:44] <Miack> nooooo
[22:44] <jbean> hello aggie
[22:44] <Miack> not the red button
[22:44] <aggie> how are you
[22:45] <jbean> just fine
[22:45] * `Quake grabs a BFG 10k and fires it at himself
[22:45] <`Quake> muhahaha
[22:45] <Miack> hehe
[22:46] * DyrDiablo cant pull that damn button
[22:46] * Miack boots the button
[22:47] <DyrDiablo> thanks
[22:47] * `Quake blows up again
[22:47] <DyrDiablo> hey Quake clean yourself from the floor I just finished cleaning here
[22:48] <LCM|The_Z> lol
[22:48] * `Quake picks himself up
[22:48] * LCM|The_Z pushes the red button
[22:48] * `Quake blows up againi
[22:48] <Miack> nooooo not the red button
[22:48] <DyrDiablo> that's better dont forget your hand from the wall
[22:48] <`Quake> Your doing this deliberately aren't you?
[22:48] * `Quake gets up
[22:48] <LCM|The_Z> no...that's not possible
[22:49] <`Quake> don't you dare touch that button
[22:49] * LCM|The_Z now pulls the red button
[22:49] * `Quake implodes
[22:49] * DyrDiablo makes a frog touch the nasty button
[22:49] * `Quake explodes
[22:49] <`Quake> acccccccccck
[22:49] <`Quake> leave me alone!
[22:49] * Miack steals the button
[22:49] <DyrDiablo> Quake you're an atom Quake
[22:50] <LCM|The_Z> heh....you haven't seen the worst of it...
[22:50] <Miack> whats this Green one do then ?
[22:50] * `Quake swears that he'll cause a REAL quake if the button is pushed again
[22:50] <`Quake> NOOOOOOOOOOO! Don't press the Green one!
[22:50] <DyrDiablo> nooooo it relises my mother
[22:50] * LCM|The_Z now pushes the 9 green 6 button
[22:50] * `Quake falls over
[22:50] <DyrDiablo> i'm doomed
[22:50] <DyrDiablo> doh
[22:50] <`Quake> grrr.. i'm stuck to the floor
[22:50] * Miack runs
[22:50] <`Quake> pull the button please
[22:51] <LCM|The_Z> LCM|The_Z now pushes the 12blue6 button
[22:51] * `Quake slides the Hammer Of Quake out of his pocket
[22:51] * Miack pulls the button and it comes awayy from the Remote
[22:51] <LCM|The_Z> ops
[22:51] * LCM|The_Z now pushes the 12blue6 button
[22:51] <DyrDiablo> Sonny mikey my little bot whare are you "nnnoooooooooooooooo please dont call me mikey just not that "
[22:51] * `Quake flies up to the ceiling
[22:51] * `Quake falls down again
[22:51] * `Quake flies to the sides of the room
[22:51] <`Quake> stoooooooopppp it
[22:52] * `Quake blows up
[22:52] <`Quake> ack.
[22:52] * LCM|The_Z now pushes the 2black6 button
[22:52] <Miack> oh no
[22:52] * `Quake laughs cos the black button blows up the person who pressed it
[22:52] * Miack runs for his life
[22:52] * `Quake got it wrong and blows up
[22:52] <`Quake> doh
[22:52] * LCM|The_Z blows up
[22:52] * `Quake was right and gets back together
[22:52] <LCM|The_Z> oh?
[22:52] * DyrDiablo considers next door buther ( black button ) much nicer than the green one
[22:52] * LCM|The_Z unblows up
[22:53] * `Quake reblows up
[22:53] * LCM|The_Z now pushes the 8yellow6 button
[22:53] * `Quake takes the Hammer of Quake and smacks the control panel
[22:53] * `Quake watches as the panel explodes
[22:53] <`Quake> HAHAHAHAHAa
[22:53] <Miack> yay
[22:53] * DyrDiablo have no idea of what yellow buttton does
[22:54] <DyrDiablo> o no it's my clone
[22:54] <DyrDiablo> noooooooooooooooox2
[22:54] * `Quake slides the Hammer Of Quake back into his pocket
[22:54] * LCM|The_Z now pushes the 8yellow6 button on the other panel'
[22:54] * `Quake gets angry
[22:54] * `Quake then blows up
[22:54] <DyrDiablo> noooooooooooooooox3
[22:54] <Miack> wb Sauron
[22:54] <DyrDiablo> hi
[22:54] <COL_Saur> danke
[22:55] * LCM|The_Z now pushes the 15gray6 button
[22:55] * `Quake takes out the Hammer Of Quake out again and smacks the new pa......
[22:55] * `Quake blows up
[22:55] <Miack> stop it withthe buttons
[22:55] * `Quake blows up again, but this time he gets into a loop
[22:55] * `Quake blows up
[22:55] * `Quake blows up
[22:55] <`Quake> ack
[22:55] <`Quake> some one
[22:55] <`Quake> some one
[22:55] <DyrDiablo> button suck x3
[22:55] * `Quake blows up
[22:55] <`Quake> press the WHITE Button
[22:55] * `Quake blows up
[22:55] * LCM|The_Z now pulls the green button
[22:55] * `Quake blows up
[22:55] * Miack looks nervously at the Green button with pink spots
[22:55] * `Quake blows up
[22:55] * `Quake blows up
[22:55] * `Quake blows up
[22:56] * LCM|The_Z pulls the withe button
[22:56] <`Quake> p.....u......l.....l.........t......h......e.............w....h.....i....t....
[22:56] <LCM|The_Z> white
[22:56] <DyrDiablo> dont press that button agin :P
[22:56] * `Quake goes back to normal
[22:56] * Miack grabs the controler and throws it into the Sea
[22:56] <`Quake> yay!
[22:56] <`Quake> I am free from blowing up
[22:56] * `Quake is playing Mamas & the Papas \ Dream a Little Dream of Me

LCM Quake

Thought you'd like this little episode from #eh for your IRC archive...
It's been edited to cut out the off topic stuff :)


<Kessler> Hah! Mere pale imitations of the High Priest of Love, all of you
:P
*** Kessler is now known as Donner
* Ricaud has a black belt. But it's got a buckle on it. And it holds his
pants up. :P
<`1985`> Kess has a pink belt. :P
<Donner> Please form an orderly line ladies! Plenty of sweet lovin' for
everyone!
<Ricaud> Why would Kess have a belt? You don't need belts for dresses. :P
<`Quake> lol
<Miack> lol
<`Quake> lol
<`Locke> not from you donner =P
<LC_Mell> keep passing em this way donner i'll give you a quid :P
<Donner> I'm the Love Commando and this is a raid! YEAH baby!
<Ricaud> Stand aside kiddies, Colonel Steve will handle this!
<Ricaud> -steve Donner
* EHNet winces as Steve the Cricket Bat maims Donner.
<Donner> Ouch! Lucky you hit me in the head. Nothing serious there to
damage
<Donner> Damn, my wardrobe's so big it crosses two International TIME ZONES,
baby! When it's 3am where my shirts are, my socks are having breakfast!
<Miack> lol
<`Quake> lol
<`1985`> lol
<`Locke> lol
<`1985`> damnit :P
<Donner> Okay, who wants to take part in a "Who's more gorgeous than Me"
Contest?
<`Quake> Me
<Miack> I know I am
<Donner> Okay, Miack, you realise that you have to satisfy the judges, who
are me, that you're more gorgeous than me, okay? And if the judges, who
are me, think that you're more gorgeous than me, you get to win this
expensive range of designer suits, tailored especially for me. Ready?
* Miack is da man
<Donner> Okay baby, gimme your most gorgeous thing
<Miack> I AM Gorgeous
<Donner> Miack - damn, that was a good attempt....
<Donner> Okay, now let's see how gorgeous I am, and remember, if the judges,
who are me, think that I'm more gorgeous than you, I win all these designer
suits...
<`Quake> lol
<Miack> lol
<Donner> What's that gorgeous piece of lovliness over there? It's a MIRROR!
Damn, you're gorgeous! Someone get me a brandy, I feel faint!
<Miack> LOL
<Donner> And now let's go to our panel of judges, who are me
<Donner> Who's the most gorgeous, judge number one?
<Donner> ME!
<Miack> boooo this is fixed
<Donner> Judge number two?
<Donner> ME!
<Donner> That's it, thanks for taking part. The winner is ME
<Mairin> rofl
<Shawshank> lol
* Miack looks at Doner with an evil grin
<Donner> I'd like to thank my comb, my hairdryer, my wardrobe.....
<Donner> All my makeup assistants...
* Miack pulls out a blunt stick
<Donner> My legions of adoring fans...
<Donner> drone.... drone...
* Miack whacks Doner in his face and messes his make-up
<Donner> ... and most of all, I'd like to thank ME, for being a vision of
gorgeous lovliness :)
*** Donner is now known as Kessler
<Miack> hehe
<Alastery> oh...my...god
<Kessler> Well I think Donner settled that argument.

COL Kessler