“To live again and then some…”
by
CM Troutrooper
(Writing Contest Winner - October 2000)
“You have chosen…poorly. I had hoped it wouldn’t come down to this, but you leave me no choice.” Warlord Zsinj pressed a button and the huge dinner table sank beneath the deck. In its stead came what looked to be a dentist’s chair, with a variety of sharp, metallic tools laid out on a tray next to the chair.
“Hmmm…this looks familiar. I used to hate the dentist at home…the stupid punk would always say I needed a drilling. I think he liked to-“
“Quiet. I know you’re a little nervous about being tortured, Emon, but that is quite understandable. Guards, please tell our bounty hunter friend that he is welcome to watch this wonderful event. Emon, please be kind and sit in the chair. My guards are a little trigger-happy today because I’ve had them on alert for the past 32 hours straight. For your sake, please sit.” The Warlord gestured towards the chair. Emon, realizing that he was in a no-win situation (the only kind he ever found himself in), obeyed the order and walked towards the chair. “Funny,” thought Emon, “there seems to be something in my pants besides me. Well, whaddya know? It feels like a Z’con Y-5 modified…perhaps Masch is on my side after all.” Emon gripped the blaster in his left hand while mentally measuring the distance between him and freedom.
“What are you waiting for? Are you going to use the Force to strap yourself in or what?”
“Uh…er, sorry. I’m a procrastinator when it comes to my death. I like to delay it as long as possible, which I’m about to do.” With that said, Emon jumped over the interrogation chair, brought out the blaster, and fired a couple of warning shots at the Warlord.
“GUARDS!! H-H-H-HE’S GOT A BLASTER!! GET HIM BUT DON’T KILL HIM!!” Four fully armed stormtroopers appeared to walk out from the wall and showered Emon with fire. At that moment, Uopal Masch was escorted in by two guards, who proceeded to forget about the bounty hunter and went after Emon. Masch took this opportunity to draw his blaster and take out his escorts, who now proceeded to go down in two loud thumps.
“UOPAL?! Thanks, but there’s still four more!” Emon screamed from behind his tenuous position. The four guards had Emon pinned, but could not finish him.
“UOPAL?! YOU SWINE!!! I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF!!!” Zsinj reached for his ceremonial blaster, but couldn’t find it. “Wha…? What happened to my-EMON!!”
“Heh heh! This is going better than I could have imagined!” Uopal was laughing at the scene: four guards trying to stun Emon, who was hiding behind his own interrogation chair, and Warlord Zsinj about to have a temper tantrum. The bounty hunter heard footsteps in the hallway and decided it was time to leave. He fired four shots and four guards grunted and died. “C’mon Emon, we’re leaving!” He grabbed Emon and headed for the passageway the troopers had appeared from.
“Oh no you don’t.” Zsinj reached for another button on his keypad…and had his hand shot away.
“That’s for insulting the Force. We’ll be leaving now. Bye!” Emon turned to leave, then turned back to the Warlord, “Oh, and thanks for gun!”
“You could’ve done something sooner. I was starting to get a little worried.”
“As I told you earlier, Mr. Kaaren, patience is a virtue. You weren’t in THAT much danger. Now, let’s get moving before the stormies have time to regroup.” The bounty and his hunter wound their way through a strange passageway before coming to a door.
“Fifty creds say that there is a legion of Zsinj’s best troops waiting for behind this door.” Emon held out his hand to shake on the bet.
“I’m inclined to agree with you, but seeing as how there are no other passages, it’s our only choice.”
“No it’s not. I have a plan…”
“Ya hear anything, capt?”
“Yeah! Sounds like drilling, but I can’t see all that much. Too freaking tired.” Captain Ritylo was on his fifth shift in a row. His Highness Zsinj had put the entire ship on alert ever since that junked freighter came aboard. Ritylo was fighting to keep not only his troops going, but himself as well. His squad was the best in Zsinj’s army, more highly decorated than any other squad. Yet all he could think of was his bunk. And now, Zsinj had them staking out what they liked to call “The Tunnel of Love”. It led directly to Zsinj’s quarters, which made it great for quick…
“SIR!! Look!!” One of Ritylo’s pointed at the wall about 10m away. It was glowing red, almost as if someone was trying to bore through the bulkhead…
“ARRGGHH!!” “OW!” “WHA…” “Sir, three, no…seven down!! The shots are coming from the tunnel!!”
“Well, fire back! Everyone, line up for breach attack. We’re going into the tunnel!!” Ritylo was stupid: there were only two targets and thirteen of them. They obviously had the advantage.
“I knew stormies were stupid, but these guys make tauntauns look intelligent.” Emon remarked, still pleased that his distraction had worked. “A waste of good armor. How many shots did we fire collectively?”
“Fourteen. You missed once, even though they were lined up perfectly and came in one by one. Okay, we need to get out of here.” Uopal looked around and found a console. “We are currently seven floors above the hangar bay where your ship is being held. Ah! There is our escape vessel.”
“Isn’t my ship the escape vessel?”
“Not hardly. Zsinj probably has even more guards there. Plus, I’m sure he’s planted a few tricks on your ship. Don’t worry, we’ll make good use out of the Oasis. Right now, we need to get out of here. This way.” Uopal led them to a stairwell and they went down three levels. From there they followed the pilot warning signs to the nearest hangar bay, which held their escape vessel.
“This is way too easy.” Emon noted.
“So? We do get a break every now and then.”
“Not me. I usually get caught right about now.”
“FREEZE!”
“Told ya so.” Emon grimaced and turned around. In front of them was a major in just about the cleanest, starchiest uniform Emon had ever seen. He could see his reflection in all of the major’s medals and thought to himself that he needed a shave.
“What are you doing on this level? We are under an alert, which means only pilots and command officers are allowed on this deck. From the looks of it, you two should be on the brig deck. Or better yet, in the brig.”
“Umm…we were…er, um-“
“We, sir, are two food inspectors who have just come from the mess hall and were about to board our transport and go home.” Emon couldn’t believe he said that. It sounded odd coming from Uopal, who was an actual food inspector, so why was he using it?
“The mess hall really? Which one, Beta 4 or Gamma 8?”
“Neither of those, sir.”
“Hmm…that’s good because neither of those exist. I made them up to trick you. Okay, you can go.”
“Thanks, sir.”
“Oh, and remember that TRN Relay 2 is a little slow to accelerate. Something with the plasma inverters.”
“Thanks again, sir.” Emon saluted and watched in amazement as the major left.
“You suck.”
“I’ll take that as a complement from you, Uopal. Now, let’s get TRN Relay 2 moving.”
“Emon, thanks. Here’s a gift for that quick-thinking.” Uopal handed Emon a radio transmitter. “This will keep Zsinj busy and will take out my target as well.”
“How do you know?” Emon asked as he took the detonator.
“He’s guarding the Oasis. I love public consoles.”
Warlord Zsinj stormed onto the bridge and slumped in his command chair. He had lost his best platoon of stormtroopers, Emon “I know the secrets of Palpatine” Kaaren, and a good interrogation chair. “At least General Duint will capture them when they try to get their pitiful little freighter back.”
The Super Star Destroyer shook violently.
“SIR!! HULL BREACH ALARMS COMING FROM HANGAR 2!!”
“NO! That’s where-“ Zsinj jumped out of his seat and ran over to damage control.
“STATUS NOW!”
“Hull has been breached in two places, but not badly. The damage to the contents of the hangar is substantial. FRT Oasis is completely destroyed, along with several containers of supplies. Casualties in the hundreds…” Zsinj stumbled back to his command chair. Now he had lost his best wing commander, a loyal Imperial soldier who had been Zsinj’s main source of Rebel intelligence. It was not a good day for the greatest Imperial Warlord in the galaxy.
“I’ll be in my quarters. Send in those Twi’lek sisters in ten minutes.” As Zsinj was leaving, he heard his communications officer say,
“TRN Relay 2, this is control. You are cleared to enter hyperspace. Thank you for inspecting our mess halls.”
by CMDR/CM Troutrooper/Omicron/Wing VIII/ISD Colossus