Inspection Day

by LC Woobee

...early morning, ship's time...

The clang of booted tread upon metal decking echoes down the corridor as two Imperial officers stride along toward a lift tube. Both are wearing their daytime uniform, one with a Sub-Lieutenant badge and one with a Lieutenant-Colonel badge. 

"Did you enjoy the trip from Daedelus, Newbie?"

"Of course, Sir", replied the SL, sneaking a surreptitious peek at the outlandish LC.

"Heh, slow down there pilot. No need for the Sir's when it's just us. My name is Woobee, and you can call me that. Any other names you hear that I have, please feel free to pass them on as well." Woobee grinned his nicest big-mouth smile. "And while I'm encouraging candour, you can be honest with me as well when it comes to the quality of the transportation set aside for our Sub-Lieutenants. The shuttle trip was slow, boring, and you feel like a soiled dishrag that's been left out in the sun for a week, yes?"

"Umm, I do feel a bit wrung out, Woobee." grinned Newbie.

"That's quite common, which is why I come down to the hangar to greet new pilots. I'll take you to the medlab for a quick check-up, and more importantly, you'll get to clean up before meeting the Wing Commander and your squadron mates. I'll have you feeling great in no time."

"Thanks Woobee. This is all still very daunting! Daedelus is good, but I really don't know what to expect here, and this ship is just so huge!"

Woobee laughed, "You'll get used to it eventually, I assure you. And yes, the Grey Wolf is quite a monster, but you'll get to know her like the back of your hand before you know it. You'll even get a feel for all the little sounds and smells through the decks. For instance," Woobee paused midstride and lifted one of his floppy ears and listened, "you hear that quiet tappetty-tappetting noise coming from behind decks?"

Newbie squinted a bit and cocked his head. "I think so... kinda tike tappetty tappetty tappetty?"

"Yep, that's the one, we keep getting that whenever we're cruising at around 50% sublight thrust, you can hear it from here for about three decks down."

"Wow!" Enthused Newbie, "How long have you been serving on an ISD?"

Woobee resumed walking. "Well, like yourself, I was assigned to a fighter squadron on an ISD straight out of Daedelus. over a year ago. Also I've been on Star Destroyers in the old Imperial Navy before Endor, so I've racked up a few years I suppose. I've lived this way for a long time now. You know wh..."

The ship lurches violently and a screaming crash is heard to echo from above. Woobee and Newbie stumble to their knees.

"Sweet Blazing Jedi!" curses Woobee as he clambers to his feet and starts running toward the lift tube.

"What is it?" yells Newbie as he pants after Woobee into the swiftly closing door of the lift, "Collision? Rocket attack?"

"Much worse." fumes Woobee, "That's the sound of an Imperial Alcoholic Beverage-Making Contraption collapsing. From the sounds of it it's number twelve gone wobbly. Merciful Maul, will the madness never end?"

...Later that day...

LC Woobee sits in the office of VA Cyric, Commodore of the ISD Grey Wolf, alongside LC Chrusos Ichthys, Wing Commander of Wing XIII. The two Colonels lounge in a sofa by the door both grasping glasses, Woobee's dark and bubbly, Vitcarp's thick and murky. Cyric sits at his imposing desk, gazing at a screen. He taps a button and a small blue hologram appears on the desk, showing the image of BGCOM of the ASF, AD Priyum.

"Greetings people. I'll be brief. I will be returning the the Grey Wolf soon." Woobee gasps in mid-sip and splutters a bit. "and I will be overseeing your efforts in the supremacy competition exercise personally. I'm sure I don't have to remind you that I expect things to be ship-shape when I arrive. That is all." The hologram fades away.

Chrusos Ichthys, known to most by his callsign 'Vitcarp' says quietly, "Well, from my last inspection I noticed a few things that could be remedied. I'm sure you're aware of a few things yourself Woobee?"

"Well, " pondered Woobee, the Crusader slip'n'slide on deck 12B probably has to go. Also, we might have to call off the pool on the fate of SL Newbie."

"Umm actually, "interrupted Vitcarp, "He's been here for seventy-one minutes now. He's already a full Lieutenant."

"Okay, "continued Woobee, "LT Newbie. Considering the wagers being made, I doubt Priyum will be impressed if he were to hear of it."

Cyric looks up from his screen. "By the way, what's the current favourite for him?"

Woobee consults his PDU. "It looks like 'Newbie lying curled in the foetal position under the desk of the Detention Block Co-Ordinator, convinced it is in fact his bed.' is losing ground to 'Newbie projectile-vomiting on a turbolaser crew member while wearing a furry Ewok costume.' However, I'm sticking with 'Newbie getting spanked by a gang of drunken hooligans equipped with nothing but stormtrooper helmets and some form of leather equipment.'

"You always go for that one Woobee." quipped Cyric.

"It'll come through for me one day too, you just watch."

...later on, early evening ship's time...

With a hiss and and a billow of steam, the forward ramp of the Imperial shuttle lowers, and an impressive figure wearing the full dress uniform of an Admiral Battle-Group Commander strode down the ramp to clasp hands with Cyric. The two of them turned to face the exit and walked beside each other between the ranks of personnel assembled in the main hangar.

"Hey D A, " muttered Woobee out of the corner of his mouth to his Odin flight leader, "Can you see Newbie anywhere?

LCM Dark Archon has a surreptitious peer around the pilots assembled. "Hmmm, no I can't see him. He could be in serious trouble if he gets busted for not turning up. Still, it's not likely anyone will notice amongst this lot."

Cyric and Priyum approach the exit and the huge bulkhead door slides open. Revealed beyond is Newbie, completely naked but for an Imperial Officer's cap and glistening with grease, completely prostrated and immobile and the decking. The sound of a few thousand people suppressing a gasp could almost be heard as Cyric and Priyum draw to a halt. Cyric turns purple and his eyes bulge out. Priyum turns around to the assembled ranks and raises his PDU to type a few notes.

The shipwide address system chimes to indicate a broadcast announcement. The voice of Admiral Priyum rings out through the corridors of the ship.

"This is Aggressor Strike Force Battle-Group Commander Admiral Priyum addressing the crew of the ISD Grey Wolf. I win the wager once again, Wolf Pack. Better luck next time."

A quiet groan goes up throughout the ship.

The ship address chime sounds once again.

"This is Vice-Admiral Cyric. Drinks tonight are on Admiral Priyum. That is all."

A mighty cheer echoes through the decks of the ship.


The End

FM/LC Woobee/Odin 2-2/Wing XIII/ISD Grey Wolf